Statistical Chatterbox

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Vegeta, what does the scouter say about this fiction's power level!?!?

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Total Votes : 9

Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:32 pm

© 2009-2011, DURN
Statistical Chatterbox ~
I told yall I would do it. I told you all. Now you are unprepared for the horrible monstrosities that will lurk inside of this topic. Oh, and also, some language may not be suitable for minors. Beware! Post in this thread and I will hunt you down and eat your innards.


Chapters
1.) Enter: The Mental Cast!... Kinda.
2.) Dear Mommy, Up In Heaven...
3.) SoniaxValincar
4.) Rosetta's Rant
5.) Lily's Not So Christmassy Special
6.) Lily Causes the Chatterbox's Inevitable Doom
7.) Czeslaw's Love Life
8.) Almair and the Well of Dreams
9.) FWD: It's Another Chapter!
10.) QQQ - Part 1
11.) QQQ - Part 2
12.) QQ-... Hold On...
13.) The Crazies
14.) Replacement
15.) Valincar's Diary of Pleasantries
16.) Typical Anticlimactic Ending
17.) The Complain Hotline
18.) Extremely Wild and Untamed Night Club Experience

Characters
Main
Caldwell, Czeslaw
Lily, Serene
Renval, Sonia
Rosetta, Evangeline
Supporting
Almair
Hisako
Kevin
Ling
Marioneta
Narrator
Rei
Zero
Courmier, Terra
Eternal, Chloe
Flynn, Aaric
Halstein, Elliot
Kaname, Aster
Laforet, Marie
Love, Caroline
Morte, Valincar
Nanami, Auza
Night, Wallace
Noa, Ryas
Rindel, Myuu
Rose, Selena
Taka, Hebi
Takashi, Hayashi


Last edited by Durn on Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:01 pm; edited 37 times in total

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:32 pm

Chapter 1 ~ Enter: The Mental Cast!... Kinda.

Czeslaw Logs In

Czeslaw: Anyone here?
Czeslaw: ...
Czeslaw: ... Nobody? Good.
Czeslaw: People are burdens, most of them are annoying, too.
Czeslaw: Why do people annoy others? It just makes the annoyee exasperated.
Czeslaw: Sometimes I hate people.
Czeslaw: Why the hell am I typing to myself? I should stop now, it’ll look creepy.
Czeslaw: I’m sorry, viewers.

Lily Logs In

Czeslaw: Okay. No more talking to yourself, Czeslaw. You can do it...
Czeslaw: 1... 2... 3... Okay! No more!
Lily: What’cha doin’?
Czeslaw: When did you get here?
Lily: Not long ago. :>
Czeslaw: Then you saw it, right?
Lily: Yup.
Czeslaw: I hate people.
Lily: Don’t be so emo, Czes!!
Czeslaw: I’m not emo, just... angry at life.
Lily: It's the same thing. .-.
Czeslaw: No it isn't!
Lily: It’s okay to show your feelings! I’m here with open arms, don’t worry! You can always talk to me. You're in the first stage of emo-ocity. Denial.
Czeslaw: I feel like a mental patient. .-.
Lily: Don’t! Everyone needs a person they can talk to!
Czeslaw: That person isn’t you.
Lily: Fine. >>

Aster Logs In

Lily: HAAAAIIII~~
Aster: Hi there, Lily! What are you up to?
Lily: Just talkin’ with Czes. :>
Aster: Is he still here?
Lily: Yup. :3
Czeslaw: Hello. >>
Aster: Hi... >>
Aster: So... Lily! How’s your adventure in Alidaire going?!
Lily: Fine. ^^;
Aster: I don’t know if I believe you! You didn’t look to fine last time I saw you with... Czeslaw. >>
Lily: I’m fine. Stop babying me! ^^;
Czeslaw: What flirts... This disgusts me. >>
Aster: If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t speak at all~
Lily: You and your wise words!
Czeslaw: What?! He didn’t even get the saying right! And he should follow his own advice!
Aster: Why do I have to follow my advice if Benjamin Franklin didn’t follow his own advice either? :3
Czeslaw: Smart aleck... I hate some people...
Lily: CZESLAW! Don’t be so mean! *Slap*
Czeslaw: Ow! You can't slap me over the internet! D:

Almair Logs In

Lily: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
Almair: I love you too.

Almair Logs Out

Aster: Calm down, Lily. Everything will be all right~
Lily: Thanks for the support, Aster~
Czeslaw: I’m leaving. Bye.
Lily: Bye Czes~!

Czeslaw Logs Out

Aster: Have you calmed down at all?
Lily: Yeah, thanks. ^^;
Aster: No problem~! I just hate seeing you like one of those “Real-Life” democrats that blame things on Bush when Obama’s in office... Raising taxes.... Starving the “Real-Lifers”... Blaming things on Bush.... Being a fucking idiot... Blaming things on Bush...
Lily: I love your political views, Aster~
Aster: Really?! Thanks!

Selena Logs In

Selena: Hello there, world~! Today is such a beautiful day!
Lily: BUUUUURRRNNNN HERRRR!!
Aster: No! Bad Lily!
Lily: BUUUUUUUURRNNNN!!!
Aster: Noooo! Lily! Get back here! COME BACK INSIDE OF THE HOUSE!

Czeslaw Logs In

Czeslaw: Lily and Aster live in the same house?! Whaaaaat?!

Czeslaw Logs Out

Selena: Lily, you’re such a joker!
Lily: BUUURRRNNNN!!!!

Selena Disconnects

Lily: I am satisfied.
Aster: Why?
Lily: She’s a witch. They did it back in the medieval times, too. :>
Aster: I... Gotta... Go...
Lily: Bye. :3

Aster Logs Off

Lily: ....
Lily: ........
Lily: ..............
Lily: Cooking is so fun~!
Lily: Cooking is so fun~!
Lily: Now its time to take a break and see what we have done~!
Lily: Yay! It’s ready~!

Rosetta Logs In

Rosetta: Is anyone here?
Lily: Hai. :3
Rosetta: Oh... Hi.

Sonia Logs In

Sonia: H-H-Hi...
Lily: Hi there, Sonniee~!
Sonia: H-Hello... Lily.
Lily: What’cha been up to~?
Sonia: N-Nothing... J-Just hanging o-out with Valincar...
Lily: What?
Sonia: I-It’s nothing...
Lily: ...
Lily: .... Sonia and Valincar sitting in a tree~!
Sonia: N-NO!
Lily: K-I-S-S-I-N-G~!
Sonia: You don’t understand!
Lily: Wait! Here comes the lumberjack~
Lily: Crack! Tumble! They are dead~! :>
Sonia: x_x
Rosetta: Why do I talk to you people?

Rosetta Logs Off

Lily: Awww! I wanted to talk to her!

Valincar Logs In

Lily: :3
Valincar: What is this, Lily? Is something amiss?
Lily: Yeeeeesss... :3
Valincar: What might that be?
Lily: Sonia and juu. :3
Valincar: BLASPHEMY! IT NEVER HAPPENED!
Valincar: NEVER!
Sonia: x_x
Valincar: NOT IN A MILLION YEARS! YOU CANNOT PROVE ANYTHING!
Sonia: Vally- I mean... Valincar... I-Is this necessary??
Valincar: IT’S ALL A LIEEEE!!

Valincar Logs Off

Sonia: Why, Lily? Why bring it up?
Lily: I was boooorred~
Sonia: You’re so mean to me. ;-;

Sonia Logs Off

Lily: I’m so BORED!
Lily: La... Laaa...
Lily: La la lalala...
Lily: La di dooooo la di daaa~
Lily: ...
Lily: ... Laaa~....

Hayashi Logs On

Lily: Hi there~!
Lily: I don’t think I’ve seen you before!
Lily: Are you that Iron Man guy?!
Lily: OMG! I love your character!
Hayashi: Shut up.
Lily: Your Awakening is soooo epic~!
Lily: Your build is also amazing?
Lily: Who designed you?
Hayashi: HOLY SHIT! SHUT UP.
Lily: Who? I don’t think I’ve heard of that guy...
Hayashi: I’MA FIRIN MAH LAZORZ BLAAARHRHGHGHG!!!!

Lily Disconnects

Hayashi Logs Off


Last edited by Durn on Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:43 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Wed Dec 23, 2009 5:07 pm

Chapter 2 ~ Dear Mommy, Up In Heaven...

Hayashi Logs In

Hayashi: I apologize for yesterday’s tragedy.
Hayashi: ...
Hayashi: .... *Sigh* ... Lily is no longer with us...
Hayashi: ....
Hayashi: So?.... What now?...

Czeslaw Logs In

Hayashi: So, Hayashi? Why were you born? *Sigh*
Hayashi: I bet this looks creepy...
Hayashi: I’m sorry, viewers.
Czeslaw: You sound like me. That’s pathetic.
Hayashi: It’s you... Hello.
Czeslaw: Did Lily stress you out too?
Hayashi: Take a guess.
Czeslaw: I don’t think I have to.
Hayashi: I killed her.
Czeslaw: ... What?
Hayashi: You heard me. I killed your girlfriend.
Czeslaw: How could you?...
Czeslaw: How could you... CALL HER MY GIRLFRIEND!
Hayashi: What?
Czeslaw: What the HELL, man?!
Hayashi: You mean you don’t care that she’s dead?
Czeslaw: Hell no.
Hayashi: Deep stuff...

Aster Logs In

Aster: You’re dead. Kay?

Aster Logs Off

Czeslaw: Dear lord... Why, Hayashi?
Czeslaw: You just had to kill her.
Czeslaw: Now Aster’s gonna go all teddy-bear on you.
Hayashi: Teddy... Bear?
Hayashi: How does that work?
Czeslaw: Just think of a teddy bear... Except it’s not teddy, and it’s not stuffed.
Hayashi: Oh.
Czeslaw: That’s how.
Hayashi: Man...
Czeslaw: I’m gonna go before your PC’s explosion reaches my house, kay?
Hayashi: Later.

Czeslaw Logs Out

Hayashi: Dear Mommy, up in heaven...
Hayashi: I’m glad you neglected me and never gave me teddy bears.
Hayashi: Amen...

Zero Logs In

Hayashi: Hello.
Zero: Angst. Angst. Angst. Angst. Angst. Angst.

Zero Logs Out

Hayashi: I forgot. That girl’s a social outcast.
Hayashi: Oh well...
Hayashi: I wonder when Aster’s gonna... Kill me.

Marie Logs In

Hayashi: Hello, Marie.
Marie: Why hello there, cyborg-like creature.
Hayashi: Formal. As usual...
Marie: Someone is a lot less sin-corrupted lately... What’s wrong?
Hayashi: I’m gonna die soon.
Marie: You’ll be in heaven with your mommy, don’t worry.
Hayashi: How do you know about mommy?!
Marie: I’m God’s Messenger, of course!
Hayashi: What?
Marie: Nothing.
Marie: I gotta..
Marie: Yeah.
Marie: Bye.

Marie Logs Out

Ryas Logs In

Ryas: Have you seen Rosetta?
Hayashi: No.
Ryas: Good. Last time I saw her, she was hanging out with some girl...
Ryas: You know, that girl that sings “Blaggh and Blaahh sitting in a...”
Ryas: Like that? That airhead?
Hayashi: I believe I know who you’re talking about... Why?
Ryas: I hate her.
Hayashi: Well I killed her.
Ryas: God bless you and your anger outputs.
Hayashi: Thank you.
Ryas: I’m off to search for Rosetta, bye.
Hayashi: Bye.

Ryas Logs Out

Hayashi: Dear Mommy, up in heaven...
Hayashi: Thank you for making that angry man my daddy. I inherited his anger genes, which allowed me to scrape one of the biggest blemishes off the face of our fictional planet.
Hayashi: Amen...

Lily Logs In

Lily: Hi there, Iron Man~!
Hayashi: WHAT THE HELL!!?@?!1>!
Lily: Glad to see me?
Hayashi: NO!@!!
Lily: Why?
Hayashi: PASIOJKGNMA<>;O(H I{%)OADGSNLMOBAN*(%HVES<>??????P(GIU!BLO:?>˙ΩAOPsklfN>Azp!!
Lily: Was that a Greek character in there near the end?
Lily: Oh Hayashi, silly boy~!!
Hayashi: I hate you.
Lily: <3U2~!

Lily Logs Out

Hayashi: Dear Mommy, up in heaven...
Hayashi: Thank you for given me the trait of being anti-social, which drives away most idiots from the chatterbox within seconds.
Hayashi: Amen...

Ling Logs In

Rei Logs In


Rei: Where the hell is she?
Ling: Zero! Where are you?
Ling: Zero!?
Ling: Is that you?!
Mario: No. It’sa me, Mario!!
Ling: Fucking troll.

Ling Logs Out

Rei: Excuse me, I shall take my leave.

Rei Logs Out

Hayashi: Dear Mommy, up in heaven...
Hayashi: Which mercenary did you use the most, and which was the most efficient?
Hayashi: Amen...

Hayashi Logs Out


Last edited by Durn on Wed Dec 23, 2009 6:20 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Wed Dec 23, 2009 6:15 pm

Chapter 3 ~ SoniaxValincar

Czeslaw Logs In

Lily Logs In

Rosetta Logs In

Sonia Logs In


Lily: Why hello, everyone~!
Sonia: H-Hi...
Lily: What’s the matter, Sonnie~!?
Sonia: V-Vally... I mean umm... V-Valincar has gone...
Lily: Gone where?
Sonia: Missing.
Czeslaw: Oh, the horror. >>
Lily: I’m so sorry, Sonnie...
Sonia: I-It’s nothing big... Don’t worry...
Lily: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!
Sonia: x_x
Lily: HE’S YOUR FIANCE FOR GOD’S SAKE!
Czeslaw: What?
Rosetta: Shocker.
Sonia: LILY!
Lily: What? :3
Sonia: They... D-Didn’t know... >>
Lily: Oh! 8D
Lily: Sonia and Valincar are getting married!!
Czeslaw: We’ve figured that out.
Rosetta: It’s rather obvious, actually.
Rosetta: They’re the biggest flirts I’ve ever seen.
Czeslaw: Mmhmm...
Lily: I guess that’s true...
Sonia: x_x
Rosetta: I’ll talk to you guys later.
Rosetta: Bye
Lily: Laters.
Sonia: B-Bye.
Czeslaw: Farewell.

Rosetta Logs Off

Sonia: Why’d you d-do that, L-L-Lily?!?!
Sonia: Now everyone will know!!
Lily: So? :>
Czeslaw: “How will they have kids? Valincar is intangible! Sonia is such a fool!”
Lily: Ah. I see. :3
Lily: Good luck, Sonnie~!!

Lily Logs Out

Sonia: ;-;
Czeslaw: You’ll be fine. Valincar is a little crazy. He’s probably just picking some dead flowers for you... Or making a cake out of eyeballs for you... I dunno.
Sonia: ,;-;.
Czeslaw: You’ll be fine.

Czeslaw Logs Out

Valincar Logs In


Sonia: Vally!
Valincar: Hark! What hast thou happened here?!
Sonia: Everyone thought you were missing! It was terrible!
Valincar: I was out buying groceries, of course~!
Sonia: What the hell?
Sonia: You didn’t even tell me?
Valincar: Nay. I didn’t wish to worry your poor soul.
Sonia: How would groceries worry me? .-.
Valincar: There are cars in this age.... You know.
Valincar: And democrats. Them too.
Sonia: Good point.
Sonia: I have to go for now, bye honey.
Valincar: Farewell~

Sonia Logs Out

Almair Logs In


Valincar: Just when all became well once more.
Almair: I heard the news.
Valincar: Oh dear, you just had to bring it up, didn’t you~?
Almair: Of course. I am an asshole, after all.
Valincar: I cannot deny your statement.
Almair: By the way...
Valincar: Yes?
Almair: How are you and Sonia going to have babies?
Valincar: You dirty bastard.
Valincar: Go die.
Almair: I’ve already died. Twice.
Valincar: Touche~
Valincar: So, what other business do you have here, lowly pervert?
Almair: What’s an STD?
Valincar: Get out.
Almair: Love you too.

Almair Logs Out

Zero Logs In

Ling Logs In

Valincar: Hello there, peasants~
Ling: What do you want?
Valincar: I’m just wandering throughout the rose gardens~
Ling: What?
Valincar: Never mind. Why business do you have here?
Ling: I need you to talk to Zero about life.
Zero: Hello.
Valincar: What seems to be the issue?
Ling: Zero has reached the third stage of emo-ocity.
Valincar: You sound like that airhead. Oh lord.
Ling: Suicide.
Valincar: Oh, don’t worry~!
Ling: What?
Zero: What?
Valincar: Death doesn’t hurt one bit! It tickles like... Never mind.
Zero: O_o
Valincar: It tickles. :3
Valincar: So~!
Zero: Yes?
Valincar: If any of you kids out there feel like committing suicide, don’t hesitate~!
Ling: What a terrible influence.
Valincar: Because once you die, you can revive and scare the shit out of the school bullies~!
Ling: Let’s go, Zero.
Zero: Wait.
Ling: Why?
Ling: ...
Valincar: :3
Ling: Zero?
Ling: OH MY GOD! ZERO!

Ling: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT GUN!?!
Ling: STOP!

Ling Logs Off

Valincar: Go~ Run along to the depths of hell, Zero~
Zero: He stopped me. ;-;
Valincar: You’ll leave this place soon enough.
Valincar: Hell has cookies, don’t worry.
Zero: What kind of cookies?
Valincar: Chocolate Chip and Blood.
Zero: Sounds tasty.
Valincar: Indeed.
Valincar: I must depart for now, I hope I helped~
Zero: You have inspired me.

Valincar Logs Off

Zero Logs Off

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Wed Dec 23, 2009 7:00 pm

Chapter 4 ~ Rosetta's Rant

Rosetta Logs In

Rosetta: The viewers have requested that DEEN DURN should create an entire chapter devoted to me.
Rosetta: After enough complaining and fandom, DURN gave in and decided to give it a go.
Rosetta: Soo... Yeah. Here I am.
Rosetta: How should I spend this time?...
Rosetta: Oh!
Rosetta: I have an idea!
Rosetta: I should rant about things that irk me!
Rosetta: Alright... How should I start?
Rosetta: Ah! Yes.
Rosetta: I hate it when people use more than two exclamation points.
Rosetta: It’s ridiculous and stupid.
Rosetta: “HAVE A NICE CHRISTMAS BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Rosetta: Yeah. 54 exclamation points.
Rosetta: I think we get your point, fucking moron. >>
Rosetta: You’re happy. WE ALL GET IT.
Rosetta: I also hate it when people talk like this.

----
Jill: What’s the matter, Randy?
Randy: my lif sux. every1 h8s m3 and nobodE understAnds me.
Jill: Um...
Randy: B hon3st. u h8 me 2, rite????
Jill: Umm... No.
Randy: ugh u h8 me.
----

Rosetta: Fucking emo bastards.
Rosetta: It pisses me off.
Rosetta: Nobody hates you.
Rosetta: But, if you ask over and over again, then we will.
Rosetta: You just ruin everyone else’s day.
Rosetta: And when I see that grammar...
Rosetta: It feels like Zero’s dirk is gouging out my eyes.
Rosetta: ... What now?...
Rosetta: ....
Rosetta: Ah...
Rosetta: I guess it’s time to read off a message from the viewers.
Almair wrote:What the hell is an STD?!!!
Rosetta: Back onto the rant.
Rosetta: I hate questions like this.
Rosetta: Ever heard of Google?
Rosetta: I suggest trying it, fucking moron.
Rosetta: You’re all idiots.
Rosetta: UGH...
Rosetta: Fine, you’re too good for Google?
Rosetta: Then I’ll do it myself.
Rosetta: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=STD
Rosetta: Almost EVERY SINGLE FUCKING RESULT SAID ONE THING.
Rosetta: JESUS.
Rosetta: I think I’ve let out most of my rage on this single letter.
Rosetta: Thank you, Almair.
Rosetta: Now go, die again, Almair.
Rosetta: And while you're at it, get a new R-Ability.

+ Sacrificial Morale Boosting: When Almair forgets to think and gets himself killed, everyone else in his group -the ones with brains- get an extra 25% stat increase.

Rosetta: Yeah, do us some use, moron.
Rosetta: We all hate you.
Rosetta: Die.
Rosetta: Be murdered.
Rosetta: Burn.
Rosetta: Like that witch bitch.
Rosetta: Kay?
Rosetta: Onto the next part of the rant.
Stupid Roleplayer wrote:Bob pulled out his sword. Bob was angry. Bob ran towards his foe. Bob is a knight. Bob was know as Berserker. But others call Bob a Warrior. Bob is angry. Bob was slashing his sword at the guy. Bob panted.
Rosetta: Honestly? What. The. Hell.
Rosetta: Take an RPing class. You need it.
Rosetta: Learn to connect sentences...
Rosetta: ... Use proper grammar...
Rosetta: ... And go to an actual school. Nobody could be THAT stupid.
Rosetta: It pisses. Me. Off.
Rosetta: UGH!
Rosetta: Before I leave...
Rosetta: I need to say one thing...
Rosetta: All of you morons out there,
Rosetta: Go to Walmart and buy a rope.
Rosetta: Your neck looks lonely.
Rosetta: So does that tree.

Rosetta Logs Out

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Thu Dec 24, 2009 8:01 pm

Chapter 5 ~ Lily's Not So Christmassy Special

Lily Logs In

Lily: Well hello there viewers~
Lily: I wish you all a Merry Christmas~!!
Lily: Now, since all of the RP “owners” are too lazy to create a “Christmas Request”...
Lily: ... Like “How the Marionetta Stole Christmas” or something like that...
Lily: I have decided to create my very own...
Lily: LILY’S CHRISTMAS CHATTERBOX SPECIAL~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lily: Isn’t that fantastic!??
Lily: Let’s get started~!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lily: First, we’re gonna sing a few carols to get us all in the spirit~!
Lily: Jingle bells~
Lily: Jingle bells~
Lily: Jing....le.... What’s the next part?!!?
Lily: Forget it.
Lily: Lets move on to the next part~!!
Lily: TEA PARTIES WITH WILLIAM SHATNER~!!

Rosetta Logs In

Czeslaw Logs In


Czeslaw: Stop!!
Rosetta: We cannot allow you to go through with your plans!
Lily: WHY!? ;-;
Czeslaw: Because nobody cares about William -fucking- Shatner!
Lily: B-But he’s Captain Kirk-ilicious... ;-;
Rosetta: Yeaah... >>
Rosetta: We don’t care. Just call off your special.
Lily: You still haven’t given me a good reason~
Rosetta: You’re the least favorite character out of the most recent character fav’ poll.
Lily: I want proof!
Czeslaw: Oh lord. >>
Rosetta: You want it? Here.
EternalDream Weekly wrote:Statistical Chatterbox Fav’ Character Poll! Liek, totally!

1 Valincar
2 Zero
3 Aster
4 Czeslaw
5 Sonia
6 Ling
7 Ryas
8 Rei
9 Rosetta
10 Marie
11 Selena
12 Almair
9001 Lily
Lily: T-This can’t be true!
Czeslaw: It is. >>
Lily: Why does Rosetta get a special if she’s only 4 slots ahead of me?!
Rosetta: Actually, it’s 8992 slots ahead.
Lily: We only have 13 character in this show for God’s sake!
Rosetta: Well... The fanbase hates you.
Lily: NO THEY DON’T!
Lily: How the Hell am I ranked lower than Pervert and Witchbitch?!
Rosetta: Do I need to repeat myself?
Lily: Selena had 2 LINES!
Rosetta: Hayashi! Get in here!

Hayashi Logs In

Rosetta: Kill her again.
Hayashi: Roger.














































Czeslaw: Before Obama is reelected by the democrats, please. >>
Hayashi: I need to put a lot of energy into this shot if you want her dead!
Czeslaw: Whatever. >>
Hayashi: 3
Hayashi: 2
Hayashi: 1

Hayashi Disconnects

Rosetta: What?
Czeslaw: What? Where’d he go?
Czeslaw: Oh lord. >>
Rosetta: What happened? .-.
Czeslaw: Aster went teddy bear on him. >>
Rosetta: I see.
Lily: You cannot stop me!!
Rosetta: I-It’s too late..
Czeslaw: Oh lord. >>
WShatnerOvr9000: Deary me~! Am I late??
Lily: Shatty, you made it~~~~~
Rosetta: People that overuse punctuation should be hanged. >>
WShatnerOvr9000: I disagree. So, shall we begin our tea party?
Lily: Yes. :3
Lily: Shatty, what was it like being in the original Star Trek?
WShatnerOvr9000: The spandex/plastic combination was uncomfortable.
Lily: I see. :3
Czeslaw: This is horrible. >>
Rosetta: I concur. >>
WShatnerOvr9000: What else would you like to know?
Lily: What do you order from Starbucks? :3
WShatnerOvr9000: Coffee.
Lily: Dreamy~
Czeslaw: I’m dying. Oh no. >>
Rosetta: At least you’re still alive. >>

Czeslaw Logs Out

Rosetta: I’m alone now. Good God. >>
Lily: What did ye’ get for Christmas? :3
WShatnerOvr9000: A pair of socks and a new coffee maker.
Lily: Iiiiiiinteresting...

Czeslaw Logs In

Almair Logs In

Czeslaw: Rosetta, I got him. >>
Almair: What do you bitches want?
Czeslaw: Annoy Shatner. Shit vs Shit should be an even battle.
Rosetta: Please. Kill him with your pervertedness.
Almair: Whatever.
Lily: NO! I ASK THE FUCKING QUESTIONS.
Almair: Too bad, hot stuff.
Lily: What? .-.
Almair: Shatner! *Points*
Almair: What is an STD??!
WShatnerOvr9000: A Squirrel-Terminating Disease.
Almair: I see.
Rosetta: He didn’t even look at the link I gave him. Pathetic. >>
Almair: Next question! *Points*
Almair: How does a ghost and human make babies?!?
WShatnerOvr9000: I-It’s... An impossible.. Q-Question.
WShatnerOvr9000: I CANNOT ANSWER! I HAVE FAILED!
WShatnerOvr9000: RABALABABASJKNFMAAGSIOGSUHSD!!
Rosetta: H-He... He did it!
Almair: That’s right. Bitch.
Rosetta: Now get out. >>
Almair: I love you too.

Almair Logs Out

Lily: I’M MEEELLLTING!!
Czeslaw: The horror. >>
Lily: GRAAAGGHHH!!...

Lily Disconnects

Rosetta: Mission successful.
Czeslaw: Agreed.
Rosetta: What now?
Czeslaw: I dunno.
Rosetta: Later.

Rosetta Logs Out

Ryas Logs In


Ryas: Have you seen her?!
Czeslaw: She went that way. >>

Ryas Logs Out

Czeslaw Logs Out

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Sat Dec 26, 2009 4:19 pm

Chapter 6 ~ Lily Causes the Chatterbox's Inevitable Doom

Lily Logs In

Lily: Got dammit, DURN! Create another episode already!
Lily: *Kicks Durn*

Czeslaw Logs In

Zero Logs In

Rosetta Logs In

Almair Logs In

Sonia Logs In

Valincar Logs In

Ling Logs In


Lily: What’s up, guys? :3
Czeslaw: We heard a kick.
Lily: What?
Lily: *Kicks Durn*
Valincar: Are you thy perpetrator, Lily?
Lily: B-But I didn’t kill anyone!!
Lily: *Kicks Durn*

DURN is Destroyed

Valincar: Hark! She is thy perpetrator! A witch!!
Czeslaw: If DURN is destroyed, doesn’t that mean that we don’t...
Almair: Spit it out, girly!
Czeslaw: .... Exist? >>
Rosetta: Czeslaw is right. Lily screwed us all.
Sonia: x_x
Valincar: I shall protect ye, Sonia!
Sonia: Thank you, Vallykins...
Valincar: What... Is this...
Valincar: ..... I’m.... Fading........
Sonia: NOO!!!
Valincar: Good.... Bye.... Sonia.......
Sonia: You cannot disappear, Vallykins! DON’T LEAVE ME WITH THESE FREAKS, DAMMIT!
Valincar: It’s.... Fate....
Valincar: Don’t...... .....

Valincar Disconnects

Sonia: NOOOO!!!
Sonia: DAMMIT LILY! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!?!
Lily: :3
Czeslaw: We’re all doomed. >>
Rosetta: Touche. >>
Sonia: I’LL DESTROY YOU!
Czeslaw: Put that gun away, Sonia!
Rosetta: Oh Lord. >>
Almair: Wanna see my gun?
Czeslaw: Howabout you aim that thing at Almair, Sonia.
Sonia: I hate him anyways.
Almair: What’d I do?!
Rosetta: Guess, pervert.
Ling: WE MUST PROTECT ZERO!
Rosetta: Just kill Almair. We’ll all be dead in a minute, at least we can enjoy the feeling of living without that “Soul Blade” for a few minutes. >>
Czeslaw: I agree.
Sonia: FIRE!

Almair Disconnects

Lily: Lalalaala..... Flowers and puppies~! Lalalaa....
Czeslaw: How can you be so calm in a situation like this!?
Ling: WE MUST PROTECT ZERO!
Czeslaw: SHUT UP.
Sonia: I-I’m scared!!
Sonia: S-Somebody take this gun away!!!
Czeslaw: Give it.
Sonia: T-Thanks.
Czeslaw: I’m in charge now.
Rosetta: Someone with a brain? Shocker.
Czeslaw: Someone has committed a crime greater than anything before.
Czeslaw: DURN has been destroyed.
Lily: Teehee. :3
Czeslaw: So. I must announce that....
Ling: WE MUST PROTECT ZERO!
Czeslaw: MARIONETTA IS THE CULPRIT!
Rosetta: Her?
Ling: WE MUST PROTECT ZERO!
Czeslaw: SHUT UP.

Ling Disconnects

Lily: Marionetta?
Sonia: Why her? I don’t want to fight her! I never have and I never w-will!!...
Czeslaw: Who else would annoy the shit out of us like this?
Rosetta: I do agree with you...
Zero: Yes.
Marionetta: It wasn’t me, foolish children!
Czeslaw: Then who was it?
Marionetta: LILY!
Rosetta: Why would she... Never mind.
Marionetta: She kicked Durn!
Marionetta: Resulting in his inevitable DOOM!!!
Lily: LIES! *Point*
Lily: Repeat this: Lily killed Durn!
Marionetta: Lily killed Durn... ?....
Lily: *Points again* Now repeat this: Lily killed DURN!
Marionetta: Lily killed DUR-.... Lily killed DU-...
Marionetta: I cannot repeat it! Why?
Lily: Because Marionetta cannot lie. :3
Lily: I killed Durn, the alter ego of DURN, our creator.
Marionetta: I-Impossible!
Czeslaw: Since when did Lily learn that witches can’t lie?
Rosetta: Beats me. >>
Czeslaw: Hey, is Marionetta even a witch?
Rosetta: No. >>
Zero: No.
Marionetta: It seems as if I’ve been caught...
Marionetta: MWHAHAHAAAAAA~ GWAAAAAAAAAAGGHHH HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA~!!!
Czeslaw: Oh dear~!...
Czeslaw: What the Hell? >>
Lily: Good lord.
Rosetta: I hate life.
Sonia: What the fuck did you do, Marionetta?!
Zero: x_x
Marionetta: It’s simple... GENDER BENDING~!
Zero: G-Give.... GIVE VALINCAR BACK!
Lily: Wait... You said gender bending.. But Czeslaw is the only guy here... How does that work?
Marionetta: People have secrets.
Sonia: What the hell?
Marionetta: MWAAHAGHGGHGHHAIGJKS... GHAHGA!!
Sonia: Your laugh is making my ears bleed.
Marionetta: Then it’s working~
Lily: Give us our bodies back, Marionetta!
Sonia: NEVER!
Czeslaw: Hey Czessy-kun, since I’m in your body, I have the gun now. :3
Sonia: Shit.
Zero: x_x
Lily: RUN!!
Czeslaw: Eat bullet, bitch!!

Marionetta Disconnects

Lily: Yaayyy~
Czeslaw: She did it?
Rosetta: Wow. >>
Sonia: B-But... Where’s Vallykins?
Zero: Life has no meaning anymore.

Zero Disconnects

Czeslaw: Where’d my gun go?
Lily: It doesn’t matter anymore~
Lily: Lets go climb a tree~
Rosetta: No. >>

Rosetta Logs Out

Czeslaw: Bye, Lily. >>

Czeslaw Logs Out

Lily Logs Out

Sonia: Vallykins?...
Sonia: Where are you?...
Sonia: Honeybear?

Sonia Logs Out

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Sat Dec 26, 2009 9:33 pm

Chapter 7 ~ Czeslaw's Love Life

Czeslaw Logs In

Czeslaw: Hello.
Czeslaw: It is me... Czeslaw Caldwell VII...
Czeslaw: Blah... Blah blah...
Czeslaw: I have been called here to explain...
Czeslaw: ... My love life. >>

*Fangirl squee*

Czeslaw: Shut up. >>
Czeslaw: Alright, so I’ve gotten many letters like the one below.
Moron wrote:I’m tired of SoniaxValincar, why don’t we get any LilyxCzeslaw action?!?!?!?!?
Czeslaw: Want to know why?
Czeslaw: The fanbase hates morons.
Czeslaw: So...
Czeslaw: Is there any girl that I’ve been interested in?
Czeslaw: No. >>
Czeslaw: I haven’t met a single girl that has not annoyed the shit out of me.
Czeslaw: Demons. All of them. >>
Czeslaw: Except for Rosetta, she’s cool.
Czeslaw: Anyways...
Czeslaw: ...
Czeslaw: Since you’re all interested in these creepy combinations such as: *Reads off paper*
Czeslaw: SoniaxCzeslaw... LilyxCzeslaw... RosettaxCzeslaw... What? SelenaxCzeslaw?... ...
Czeslaw: ... AsterxCzeslaw? .-.
Czeslaw: Fucking yaoi fangirls. >>
Czeslaw: ... Anyways...
Czeslaw: I will reenact a somewhat accurate scene for each of these combinations... I think. >>
Czeslaw: First up... SoniaxCzeslaw:
Restaurant wrote:Czeslaw: Sooo....
Sonia: Yes...
Czeslaw: Here we are...
Sonia: Yeah...
Czeslaw: Mhmm...
Sonia: ...
Czeslaw: Yup...
Sonia: Yeah...
Czeslaw: Sooo...
Czeslaw: Do you like giraffes?
Czeslaw: Yeah. >>
Czeslaw: What morons thought up that amazing combination?
Czeslaw: On to... Oh Lord...
Czeslaw: LilyxCzeslaw. >>
Restaurant wrote:Czeslaw: Oh God. >>
Lily: Hi there, Czessy-kun~!
Lily: What’s your favorite color?
Lily: Mine’s indigo!
Lily: Actually, I guess it’s Zeri-chan’s, since she’s my creator and all.
Czeslaw: >>
Lily: What about your favorite show?!
Lily: I like Deal or No Deal.
Lily: Hey Czessy-kun~!
Lily: Czessy-kun?
Czeslaw: WHAT!?
Czeslaw: Yeah. Nothing good there. >>
Czeslaw: Do we have to do more?
Czeslaw: We do?
Czeslaw: Fine. >>
Czeslaw: Next up, RosettaxCzeslaw.
Restaurant wrote:Czeslaw: What’s up.
Rosetta: Nothing much.
Rosetta: Just dealing with morons.
Czeslaw: Hah, me too.
Rosetta: Don’t you hate it when people cut you off on the freeway?
Czeslaw: Yeah. Don’t you hate it when people cut in front of you at the movie theatre snack line?
Rosetta: Of course! XD
Czeslaw: That’s funny. XD
Czeslaw: I hate it when birds chirp at 2 in the morning. >>
Rosetta: OMG! Me too! XD
Czeslaw: Alright... That was the best combination so far.
Czeslaw: I have to admit. >>
Czeslaw: Alright. We’re done now.
Czeslaw: Wait. We aren’t?
Czeslaw: No?

Czeslaw: Fine. >>
Czeslaw: On to... SelenaxCzeslaw?
Czeslaw: What the hell?
Restaurant wrote:Czeslaw: LILY! GET OUT!
Lily: BUUUUUURRRRNNN!!
Selena: Oh you silly goose!!
Lily: BUUUUURRRNNN!!!!
Czeslaw: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
Aster: LILY! I SHALL STOP HER!
Czeslaw: Him? >>
Czeslaw: Ugh. >>
Selena: What’s wrong, Czessy-kun?
Czeslaw: Don’t call me that.
Selena: Kay! ^^;
Lily: BURRRRNNNN!!!
Selena: GRAAGAAGHGHHGGH!!!
Czeslaw: GET OUT, LILY!
Zero: Hell breaks loose here too..?
Zero: I just need privacy. >>
Czeslaw: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE?!
Czeslaw: People should just know that combination sucks. >>
Czeslaw: Do we really have to do the last one?
Czeslaw: What?
Czeslaw: Why?

Czeslaw: The fans requested it?

Czeslaw: I don’t give an Almair... I mean shit... about the fans!
Czeslaw: They’re protesting outside the building?
Czeslaw: What?
Czeslaw: Why?
Czeslaw: They want Czessy-kun... Yaoi... Action?
Czeslaw: What the hell? >>
Czeslaw: Fucking rabid yaoi fangirls. >>
Czeslaw: This isn’t a yaoi film.
Czeslaw: It’s a comedy collection.
Czeslaw: Get those fangirls out of here. Now.
Czeslaw: You cannot stop them?
Czeslaw: Then get more guards!
Czeslaw: They were knocked out by tasers?!

Czeslaw: Dammit.. They follow Shion too. >>
Czeslaw: FINE!
Czeslaw: I’ll roll the yaoi clip. >>
Restaurant wrote:Czeslaw: Hello.
Aster: I hate you.
Czeslaw: I hate you too.
Aster: Why the hell are we here?

Czeslaw: Fangirls. >>
Aster: Aaahhh...
Czeslaw: I’m leaving. >>
Aster: Not even a peck on the cheek?
Czeslaw: No. >>
Czeslaw: Happy now, fangirls?
Czeslaw: What?
Czeslaw: Why?
Czeslaw: That wasn’t yaoi?
Czeslaw: Of course it wasn’t!
Czeslaw: The fangirls have broken in!
Czeslaw: Help me!
Czeslaw: Hey! You're paying for that door!
Czeslaw: Call 911!
Czeslaw: Hurry!
Czeslaw: THEY HAVE GUNS!

Czeslaw Disconnects

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:38 pm

Chapter 8 ~ Almair and the Well of Dreams

Almair Logs In

Rosetta Logs In

Marie Logs In


Almair: Hay bitches.
Rosetta: Go die in a well, and get lil’ Timmy while you’re in there.
Almair: Can I have a little fun? Ee-hee!
Rosetta: What? .-.
Almair: You know. :3
Rosetta: I was being serious about the dying thing, you know. >>
Almair: I’m goin’.
Almair: I’ll be sure to entertain lil’ Timmy... Chamone! Ee-hee!
Rosetta: I’m leaving. >>

Rosetta Logs Out

Marie: Lust filled bastard.
Marie: I agree with Rosetta.

Marie Logs Out

Almair: So, where is this well?
Almair: Ah! Here it is!

Lily Logs In

Lily: What’cha looking at?
Lily: Is that a well?!
Lily: Ooh! A well!
Almair: Get out of here, bitch.
Lily: What happens if I push you in? :>
Almair: H-Hey! Don’t push me there!
Almair: Aaahhhh!!
Lily: What do you see down there? :>
Almair: I see...
Almair: I see a small child!
Almair: Come hea, child! Ee-hee!
Almair: Aww! It’s alright, don’t worry, little boy!
Lily: D:
Almair: It’s just nice ol’ Almair! Chamone!
Lily: I think he hates you. >>
Almair: What makes you say that?
Lily: I think that child has a gun. I can’t tell from up here, though.
Almair: Holy sh-!
Almair: Wait!
Almair: Want to see MY gun? ;D

Almair Disconnects

Lily: Almair?
Lily: What happened?
Lily: Oh. He’s dead.
Lily: Good job, lil’ Timmy!
Lily: I’ll go get Lassie!

Lily Logs Out

Lily Logs In

Rosetta Logs In

Marie Logs In

Sonia Logs In


Sonia: H-H-H-He went... D-Down there?? x_x
Lily: Yup! That’s why I brought ol’ Lassie here!
Rosetta: S-She’s cute. :3
Lily: Rosetta. D:
Rosetta: Yes? :3
Lily: Why did you smile? D:
Sonia: x_x
Marie: The plague shall be brought upon us!! PLAGUE!! D:
Rosetta: Dogs make me happy inside. :3
Lily: But, you’re not supposed to be happy!
Marie: PLAGUE!!
Lily: It’s just not right!
Lily: XENO didn’t create you to be happy!
Rosetta: I am a rebel!
Rosetta: Let’s go, Lassie-chan! :3

Rosetta Logs Out

Lily: Well, there goes our only way to get lil’ Timmy out of the well. >>
Marie: We could always pray to Jesus! That would help!
Lily: Of course!
Lily: ...
Marie: ...
Lily: ...
Sonia: x_x
Marie: How did you even learn “Pray” anyways? Aren’t you an archer?
Lily: I have my secrets too~ :>
Marie: Dear lord. >>
Sonia: I-I need to go help Vallykins at the HBC.
Lily: HBC??!! You mean the Hospital for the Blind Children!?
Sonia: Y-Yes. W-We’re chaperoning their trip to the movies.
Sonia: W-W-We’re going to see “Up”.
Lily: What? .-.
Sonia: W-W-What??
Lily: Nothing. >>

Sonia Logs Out

Lily: Marie! How did you get lil’ Timmy out of the well??! XD
Marie: I told you earlier.
Marie: I have my secrets too.
Lily: D:
Marie: Now lets go find your mommy, Timmy.

Marie Logs Out

Lily Logs Out


Marie Logs In

Ryas Logs In

Lily Logs In


Lily: Hey guys!
Lily: Remember yesterday when we saved Timmy from the well! ;D
Marie: Yes. >>
Ryas: What the hell did you freaks do?
Ryas: Kill children?
Ryas: Starve them?
Lily: No! We saved one from the grasp of Almair!
Ryas: I guess that’s nice. >>
Marie: In fact, Almair’s corpse is still rotting in the depths of the well! X3
Ryas: That well is connected to the water pipes. >>
Marie: What? .-.
Lily: Uh-oh!
Ryas: Have fun drinking Almair in about a week or two.
Ryas: I’ll be watching the news.
Marie: D:
Ryas: I can’t wait until this comes on!
Ryas: “Dead Body Pollutes City Water! 70% of Residents Diagnosed with Deadly Disease!”
Lily: We should go fix that. >>
Marie: Yeah. >>
Ryas: It's probably already too late.
Marie: What? .-.
Ryas: You've doomed more than half of the population. We love you.
Marie: Err..
Lily: Umm... Bye!
Marie: Yeah! Umm... Bye!

Marie Logs Out

Lily Logs Out

Ryas Logs Out

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Mon Feb 01, 2010 5:17 pm

Chapter 9 ~ FWD: It’s Another Chapter!

Czeslaw Logs In

Lily Logs In

Valincar Logs In

Zero Logs In


Czeslaw: Hey guys. >>
Lily: ZOMGZ!!! Czes!! Did you get that cool thingymabobber in your inbox!? XD
Czeslaw: What about it?
Valincar: A survey, was it?
Lily: Yes in dee-dee it was, yo! :3
Valincar: Your twisting of the English language burns my eyes, Mrs. Serene.
Czeslaw: Yeah, mine too. >>
Lily: Alrighty, I’ll stop~
Lily: But yeah, the survey.
Lily: It had some weird questions on it, it was FUN! XD
Czeslaw: I hate surveys.
Lily: What did you score on it? :3
Czeslaw: Emo Freak.
Valincar: Sexy Beast.
Lily: You doods are so weird! X3 I got Gangster. XD
Czeslaw: That’s extremely hard to believe.
Valincar: I agree with this statement.
Czeslaw: Well I guess that explains the horrible English. >>
Valincar: I agree with this statement.
Czeslaw: Shut up.
Lily: You should really be socialer, Czes-kun!!
Czeslaw: Kill me. >>
Lily: You know what?! Just gimme yo survey answers, kay home skizlet foo??
Czeslaw: I repeat: Kill. Me.
FWD: Survey!! Survey!! wrote:Oh Meh Gawd SURVEY.

Q1: Which color is the most like you??
A) Yellow, like my zip-up hoodie gangster jacket, boi~!
B) Orange, like tigers. Raawrr... :>
C) Black, like death.
D) Red, like slaughter.
E) Green, like nature.

Q2: If you had to eat one thing, which would it be??
A) Cake! And monehz!!
B) My girl. Oooohhh yeahhh!!
C) Knives.
D) My victims, of course. ._.
E) Something eco-friendly.

Q3: A fairy appears at your door! ZOMGZ!!
A) Get off mah lawn, biatch!!!1
B) take her upstairs, and the magic happens... Ooooohh yyyeeaahhh!!
C) She kills me. >>
D) Give me that WMD you have there, please.
E) Obama!? Can I have jur autographz!!?

Q4: Uh oh! A demon! You have 2 minutes, now decide!!
A) I take out mah shawtgun and KABLAM!
B) Seduction.
C) Stand there, overcome by boredom.
D) my sowrd of demon’s dragon wrath helps me win
E) EPA!! EPA!! EPA!!

Q5: Look! Bill Gates!
A) Gimme dad monehhz..
B) He. Is. Totally. Hawt.
C) Oh, another democrat? Woopdie-FUCKING-doo~!!
D) Look! Another victim!
E) He supports what I supports! OHMGZ!!
Lily: I see...
Lily: You are such a downer!!
Czeslaw: You chose all A’s, didn’t you? .-.
Lily: Yup!!
Czeslaw: You greedy bastard. >>
Lily: No! What are you talkin bout foo?!
Czeslaw: Shut. Up. Now.
Lily: Hellz no, biatch!!
Valincar: Try and guess which answers I selected.
Czeslaw: I guess the B’s... Since you got Sexy Beast somehow. >>
Czeslaw: ...
Czeslaw: Wait...
Lily: Czes-chan, let’s go get some WAFFULS! Yo! Yo! Skizzaalll!!
Czeslaw: What the hell are you saying? .-.

Czeslaw Disconnects

Lily: Bye bye, Vally-yo!!
Valincar: I wish you a safe trip.
Lily: Yeh yeh whatevz.

Lily Logs Out

Sonia Logs In


Sonia: Vallykins~!! Hai there!!
Valincar: Oh hey, baby.
Sonia: Err... Hi. :3
Valincar: Wanna go?
Sonia: Err... What? .-.
Valincar: The survey says so, now let’s go.
Sonia: What? x_x
Valincar: You heard me... Yeahh...
Sonia: You’re scaring me!
Valincar: Let’s gooooooooo~~~!!!!
Sonia: What are you talking about!! This is the internet for Christ’s sake!
Valincar: Yeah so what?
Sonia: You’re scaring meee!!
Valincar: The survey says so! NOW LET’S GO!!
Sonia: Never! Get away from me!... Wait, this is the internet, you can’t get me anyways!
Valincar: But the survey! It said so, dammit!
Sonia: You can’t touch me!!
Valincar: What are you-

Narrator Logs In

Narrator: Hello there.
Narrator: I am the Narrator of this fine story.
Narrator: Whenever you see me, time has likely stopped.
Narrator: So, as you can see here, Valincar is acting like a total douche.
Narrator: This is because ignorant, incompetent fools like forwarding emails.
Narrator: Such emails can mind control the readers into thinking they are somebody they are not.
Narrator: The only way to defeat said emails is through the power of youtube.
Narrator: But, youtube doesn’t exist in this dimension.
Narrator: So let’s just sit back and watch all hell break loose~!

Narrator Logs Out

Valincar: -talkin’ bout, girl?
Sonia: B-Bye!!

Sonia Logs Out

Valincar: Awww!!

Czeslaw Logs In

Lily Logs In

Czeslaw: That was horrible. >>
Lily: Those were damn good waffuls, yo homes!!
Valincar: Hello theeere...
Valincar: Sonia left me hangin’... It suuucks...
Lily: Aww dun worry, yo!!
Czeslaw: I hate the internet. >>
Czeslaw: Just watch-

Narrator Logs In

Narrator: And yes, Czes-kun is from a different dimension. He saved them all~!!

Narrator Logs Out

Czeslaw: -this.
FWD: LOLOKOADKLGN><!! wrote:
Lily: GRAAGHGHGHH!!
Valincar: EYAAAGHGHH!!!

Zero: AIYEEEEE!!!
Valincar: Thank you, Czeslaw.
Lily: Czes-kun, what happened to me!?
Czeslaw: Emails happened. >>
Czeslaw: Goodbye now.

Czeslaw Logs Out

Lily: Hey, Zero, what did you get on that survey anyways?
Zero: ... Liberal.

Zero Logs Out

Lily Logs Out

Valincar Logs Out

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:18 pm

Chapter 10 ~ QQQ - Part 1

Czeslaw Logs In

Sonia Logs In

Rosetta Logs In

Lily Logs In


Sonia: H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-Hello... E-Everyone.
Lily: Hellooooooooooo everyone~~~ :3:3:3:3
Czeslaw: Good morning. >>
Rosetta: Remind me why we come here, Czeslaw.
Czeslaw: I’d rather not, for it’s quite the long and painful story.
Rosetta: Ah... Yes. >>
Lily: So, what’s going on today~?
Rosetta: The usual. Sonia is bleeding all over my computer.
Sonia: LIES! x_x
Czeslaw: I can’t tell if it’s Mother Nature sending us a bloody gift, or just her angst issues again.
Rosetta: Maybe it’s both, ‘cuz she’s bleeding from multiple locations.
Lily: EEEEEWW!!!
Czeslaw: Wow, that sucks.
Rosetta: I know, right?
Sonia: S-S-S-S-S-SHUT. UP!!! X_X
Rosetta: Caps lock?
Sonia: O-O-Oh... Right. x_x

Elliot Logs In

Kevin Logs In

Hebi Logs In

Auza Logs In


Elliot: TA-DA~~~~~~!!! It is I, small children!! Shall you not fret your little bodies!!
Czeslaw: What the fuck? .-.
Rosetta: .-.
Sonia: U-U-U-Uuhhh.... x_x
Lily: Yaaayyy!! Wait... Who are you? 8D
Elliot: We are the abso-toot-tastically amazingly awesome group of trolls and assholes that have come to take over your chat! We are the QQQ~! The Quarreling Quadrigeminal of Quietus!!
Lily: That’s not fun! D:
Czeslaw: I repeat: What the fuck? .-.
Rosetta: Ew. What freaks.
Kevin: You dare call me an insolent mortal, youthful matron?
Rosetta: What the hell are you talking about? Aren’t you a mindless zombie?
Kevin: Mindless? Heavens no! I have simply lost the qualification of speech over the many years that I have subsisted.
Rosetta: Guys, watch out. These freaks are our worse nightmares.
Rosetta: What do you all hate?
Czeslaw: Extremely angry females.
Auza: Present.
Czeslaw: Shit. .-.
Sonia: Flamingly homosexual pedophiles. x_x
Elliot: PER-EZZ-ENT~~~!!!.... Oh, just kidding!! I’m just playin’ with you, child~~!!
Sonia: D:
Lily: People that speak their mind.
Czeslaw: Where the hell did that come from? .-.
Hebi: I’m here as well, Lily.
Lily: NUUUUUU!!! DDDD:
Rosetta: So, how do you plan on taking us out?
Kevin: Slaying you all, of course. It’s the most simplistic, yet the most barbaric of all of the available methods.
Rosetta: Be on your guard!!
Czeslaw: I know. >>
Lily: Graahhhhh!!!
Czeslaw: What the hell are you doing with your bow so quickly, Lily!!
Lily: Dieeeeee!!!
Hebi: You crack me up, girl!
Czeslaw: Wow, he’s fast.
Lily: DAMN ETT!!! D:
Hebi: You can’t defeat me.
Hebi: By the way, I hate ponytails.
Hebi: Why do girls wear them?
Hebi: Honestly, it just makes you all look stupid!
Lily: DAMN DAMN DAMN ETT!!! D:
Hebi: Caps too??! This is pure gold!
Lily: AIIIYEEEEE!!! DIE!! D:
Czeslaw: What the hell is that energy flowing through her bow?! D:
Rosetta: Pure rage. >>
Lily: BY THE POWAHR INVESTED IN MEH....
Rosetta: And stupidity. >>
Kevin: I concur.
Lily: KAMEHAMEHAAA!!!
Czeslaw: Holy shit! D:
Hebi: What?! Dragon Ball Z in a time like this!! That’s pure gol-

Hebi Disconnects

Rosetta: Lily... What the hell was that?
Sonia: x_x
Czeslaw: Is that charred bone I see? D:
Lily: Now if you all excuse me, I have other matters to attend to. >>

Lily Logs Out

Auza: It’s your turn, prissy little bitch.
Czeslaw: What did you just call me?
Auza: You heard me. Prissililbitch.
Czeslaw: Are you picking a fight?
Auza: Nooo~!! I’m asking you if you want a cup of tea! Isn’t it -FUCKING- obvious?
Czeslaw: That’s it, bitch! You asked for it!
Auza: What are you gonna do? “Elliot” me?!
Czeslaw: What do you think I am? A-
Auza: Sick bastard??
Auza: Yes! I do think that!
Czeslaw: Don’t you call me such a foul name, venomous bitch!
Auza: Foul? Listen to this.
Auza: You wood sucking wart eater!
Auza: You gremlin chewing bum strangler!
Auza: You leg loving hamster squeezer!
Auza: You arse-faced ass-sack!
Auza: You fascist Einstein-impersonating emaciated dickwad!!
Auza: You pus-sucking, arrogant bony full o'yourself butt-licking prick!!!
Auza: You Clinton-lovin' cerebrally-challenged pork-bellied puke-inducing bitchwad!!!
Rosetta: That was harsh.
Czeslaw: .... What the hell did you just call me?
Czeslaw: Did you just call me a “Clinton-lovin’ fatass”?
Czeslaw: Ohhh bitch... it’s on.
Czeslaw: You-

Valincar Logs In

Valincar: No! Czeslaw! She’s immune to your level of insults!
Sonia: Vallykins~!!
Valincar: Nows not the time, Sonia!
Sonia: Sorry. I'm good for nothing, aren't I? x_x
Valincar: And that's why I love you!
Czeslaw: What do you mean by "immune to my level of insults"?
Valincar: She’ll launch them back at you with twice the firepower!
Czeslaw: Errm...
Valincar: Just let me take care of thy scum!
Auza: Bring it on, Shakespeare!
Valincar: Thou loggerheaded clay-brained skainsmate!
Valincar: Thou unmuzzled fen-sucked maggot-pie!
Valincar: You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, you bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish--O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!
Valincar: ....
Auza: D:

Auza Disconnects

Valincar: My work here is done.

Valincar Logs Out

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:17 pm

Chapter 11 ~ QQQ - Part 2

Czeslaw: W-Woah...
Czeslaw: He saved me!
Rosetta: You're such a fragile little boy, Czeslaw. >>
Czeslaw: Shut up. >>
Sonia: G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-
Czeslaw: SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT ALREADY!
Sonia: G-Guys... There are still t-two more of them!
Rosetta: No shit, Sherlock. >>
Kevin: You shouldn't speak to other matrons in such a tone, foul hag!
Rosetta: What? .-.
Kevin: In simpleton words:
Rosetta: Oh, so now I'm a simpleton?
Kevin: "Let's beat the living shit out of each other!"
Czeslaw: This won't end well. >>
Sonia: x-x-x-x-x_x
Czeslaw: How do you stutter an emoticon?
Sonia: S-S-Shut up!
Czeslaw: As a matter of fact, how do you even stutter online in the first place?
Sonia: Q-Q-Quiet!! Rosetta and Kevin are starting!
Czeslaw: Whatever. >>
Rosetta: Back, foul monster!
Czeslaw: Watch where you point that thing! >>
Kevin: Oh, you wish for a formal duel?
Kevin: I accept your eloquent challenge, madam.
Czeslaw: Rosetta, do you not see that FOAM running down the side of his jaw?!
Czeslaw: ROSETTA!
Rosetta: Bring. It. On!!
Czeslaw: Ohshi-
Kevin: Omnomnomnomnomnom!!
Kevin: GRHAGHGHGHGIOKLNSFM<L!!
Kevin: SPOIGNKLASG"POJKL:!!
Kevin: POˆ˜ÒÚ?KFO{FPKL":S!!!
Czeslaw: HOlLY SHET_O}Q{P
Rosetta: What the fuck!?
Rosetta: Czesl-

Narrator Logs In

Narrator: Since you can't see this...
Narrator: ... gruesome...
Narrator: ... event over the internet, let me describe it for you:
Narrator: Rosetta unsheathes rapier and accidentally pokes Czeslaw's foot.
Narrator: Kevin foams at mouth.
Narrator: Kevin jumps on Czeslaw's back.
Narrator: Kevin begins to feast on Czeslaw's head.
Narrator: And Rosetta is about to give Kevin a high heel to the back of the head.

Narrator Logs Out

Rosetta: aw!!
Kevin: AIIYYEEHGGHHARRRA!!!!
Czeslaw: PSOINDKLG><L!!....
Czeslaw: That was a close one. >>
Kevin: I shizn'tnot be defeet inakfm!!
Kevin: ENRAGENJK!!!
Rosetta: Stand on your guard, Czeslaw!!

Czeslaw Disconnects

Rosetta: Czeslaw?
Sonia: x_x
Kevin: BURGALAGALAGHA!!!

Narrator Logs In

Narrator: Kevin begins to bleed from his heel-2-head-wound.
Narrator: Kevin jumps off of Czeslaw.
Narrator: Kevin pulls out a shotgun and fires it at Czeslaw.
Narrator: Kevin lunges at Rosetta.
Narrator: And we now resume where we left off~

Narrator Logs Out

Rosetta: Ohshi-
Kevin: GIONKLSDGJ:˜∏؈¨KL:?LZ>!!
Sonia: What the fuck!??
Audience: NO DEAL!!
Rosetta: Take the money, dammit!!
Myuu: No deal!! ;-;
Sonia: You greedy bastard!!

Narrator Logs In

Narrator: Rosetta thrusts her rapier through Kevin's head, severing the sanity organ that resides within his brain, causing all sanity to shatter into little, miniscule pieces.
Narrator: It's like Clinton all over again, basically...
Narrator: The land slowly forms into the Deal or No Deal set.
Narrator: The current Deal or No Deal contestant, Myuu Rindel, has just declined an offer of two-hundred-and-forty-thousand-seventy-eleven.
Narrator: Kevin's bleeding corpse is lying on the ground.
Narrator: Myuu pisses in his pants.

Narrator Logs Out

Rosetta: What the hell was that, Myuu!!
Myuu: Nyaah... ;-;
Rosetta: $240,711 was more than enough!
Sonia: Y-Y-Yeah, what the hell was that!?
Myuu: Sorrreeyyy!! ;-;

Myuu Disconnects

Rosetta: Whew... Everything is finally back to normal...
Sonia: ... But what about Elli-

Narrator Logs In

Narrator: Rosetta slaps Myuu with Obama's teleprompter.
Narrator: Myuu goes into a panic attack.
Narrator: Sonia stomps on Myuu's body.
Narrator: Myuu disconnects.
Narrator: The chatroom is reformed and Deal or No Deal is no more.
Narrator: Sonia spies with her little eye:
Narrator: A creepy man hiding in her closet!
Narrator: Find out what happens next time...
Narrator: ... on Statistical Chatterbox~!!

Narrator Logs Out

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:51 am

Chapter 12 ~ QQ-... Hold On...

Sonia: Hello? T_T
Sonia: Where did everyone go?
Elliot: I bet they all left because they got bored waiting~
Sonia: Waiting for what? Please tell me...
Elliot: DURN's return, of course, you silly girl~!
Sonia: Oh...
Elliot: Mmmmmhmmmmm~!
Sonia: ... What were we doing beforehand?...
Elliot: Hehehehe...
Sonia: What are you gonna do?! T-Tell me!! ><
Elliot: Oh, what am I going to do?
Sonia: Y-Yes... ><;
Elliot: *Licks lips* I'M GONNA-

Elliot Disconnects

Sonia: PLEASE DON'T! T_T





Sonia: Huh?...
Sonia: Where did he go?
Sonia: Am I all alone?...
Echo: -alone?...
Echo: -ne?...
Echo: -e?...
Sonia: It's true... Everyone else DID leave!
Sonia: Where are they?!

Czeslaw Logs In

Sonia: Thank god it's you, Czeslaw!
Sonia: Where are the others?
Czeslaw: Hahahahah.... It's not that hard to walk.
Sonia: Are you okay?
Czeslaw: Why is it hard for old people to walk?
Czeslaw: Hah.
Sonia: Have you been feeling well? Let me check your fever.
Czeslaw: STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, WOMAN.
Sonia: o.o;
Czeslaw: You old people are so... old.... pruned.... and old.... and I can't stand any of you! HAH!
Sonia: I'm 17. o.o;
Czeslaw: BACK IN 1934, BITCH.
Sonia: What? O.O;;
Czeslaw: People like you...
Sonia: Y-Yes?
Czeslaw: People like you have witnessed the rise and fall of world powers, economies, celebrities' innocence, television sitcoms, and game shows alike...
Sonia: W-What are you talking abou-... I have no c-clue how to respond to this...
Czeslaw: That's because your goddam Alzheimer's is kicking in! Now shut up and let me continue!
Sonia: Okay... o.o;
Czeslaw: What happens when you elderly women become too frail to stand? They send you to the retirement homes! HAH! Have I never heard anything so ridiculous before? HAHAAH! What happens when the people who work at the retirement homes become too old to work? WHAT HAPPENS THEN?!
Sonia: O.e;
Czeslaw: DO YOU ALL WITHER AND ROT TOGETHER? DO OTHER PEOPLE LAUGH AND WATCH AS ALL OF YOUR MEMORIES DIE ALONG WITH YOUR BLIGHTED SKIN AND BONES?
Sonia: I-I....
Czeslaw: SAVE YOUR BREATH, WOMAN.
Sonia: I-....
Czeslaw: PEOPLE LIKE YOU! HAHAAAHHA! PEOPLE LIKE YOU SICKEN PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO LIKE OTHER PEOPLE LIKE ME! WE DON'T LIKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU! HAHAAAH!!!
Sonia: ... Please stop it. T_T
Czeslaw: YOU AND YOUR MINDLESS BLATHERING AND POINTLESS CHATTER ABOUT LAST NIGHT'S WORLD CHAMPION KNITTING COMPETIT-
Sonia: What?...

Lily Logs In

Lily: Hai hai. :3
Sonia: L-L-L-Lily.... Please...
Lily: Hmmm? :3
Sonia: And I thought... I thought Elliot was bad...
Lily: Hmmm? :3
Sonia: ... But no... I was wrong...
Lily: Hmmm? :3
Sonia: Czeslaw cracked... And that's bad...
Lily: Silly Czessy-kyun~!
Czeslaw: -YOU ALL CHEW SO FUCKING SLOWLY. CAN YOU CHEW ANY SLOWER PLEASE? THE FOOD IS ALREADY IN THE FUCKING ICE AGE IT CAME OUT OF THE MICROWAVE SO FUCKING LONG AGO! HAH!
Lily: What? ._.
Sonia: See... It's absolutely terrible!
Lily: No, it's just annoy-
Sonia: PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! T_T
Lily: Okay, okay~!
Lily: Czessy-kyun just seems to be a wee bit mental after being alone for so long, aren'tcha? <3
Czeslaw: OLD PEOPLE GIVE TERRIBLE GODDAM HUGS! SERIOUSLY! HAH! IT TAKES THEM 10 FUCKING MINUTES TO GET OVER TO YOU!
Lily: Yeah, yeah... I know...
Czeslaw: GOLF GOLF GOLF. PLAY A REAL SPORT, PANSIES.
Lily: Tell me about it... I know, it's okay, Czeslaw...
Czeslaw: I TOLD YOU ALREADY, I DON'T WANT NO STUPID HUG, BITCH.
Lily: Good, I wasn't planning on it. =_=
Czeslaw: GRAAGGGHHH!!!!
Sonia: What... What did you do to him... And why? T_T
Lily: It's all confidential, Sonia... It's all confidential...
Czeslaw: Hissssss......
Sonia: Why is he hissing and twitching on the ground? T_T
Lily: ... Lalalalala~ And here drizzles the oil~ And here goes the matches~ And there goes the flames with the bodies and all that jazz~
Sonia: x_x
Lily: Sonia? Why are you banging your head against the wall~?

Narrator Logs In:

Narrator: Does anything make sense anymore?
Narrator: What happened to Czeslaw?
Narrator: Has Lily become a psychotic murderer?
Narrator: Is Sonia STILL having angst issues?
Narrator: Has everyone gone batshit insane?
Narrator: Find out what happens next time...
Narrator: ... on Statistical Chatterbox~!!

Narrator Logs Out

Durn
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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Sun Nov 14, 2010 8:09 pm

Chapter 13 ~ The Crazies

Lily Logs In

Sonia Logs In

Valincar Logs In

Rosetta Logs In

Hebi Logs In


Lily: So, we've got some serious shit going on here, people!
Sonia: Oh no. x_x
Valincar: What's thy news, peasant?
Lily: As we all probably know, a week ago-
Rosetta: More like 4 months ago. >>
Lily: Yes, yes. 4 months ago, Czes cracked.
Sonia: B-B-B-B-B-B-But.... you subdued him, didn't you? x_x
Lily: Yes, I did. :3
Rosetta: Then what the hell is the problem?
Hebi: Lily is.
Rosetta: Who are you?
Lily: ...
Hebi: Oh no, it's the one with the ponytail!
Lily: KAMEHAME...
Hebi: That's pure gold!
Lily: HAAAAA!!!!!

Hebi Disconnects

Czeslaw Logs In


Valincar: GUYS! SILENCE!
Sonia: Huh?
Rosetta: It's him...
Lily: o.o
Czeslaw: ... What?


















Czeslaw: Is anyone gonna say anything?
Sonia: LL-... LLLLIILLLEEEHHHHH!!!! SUBDOOOOOOO HEEEEEMMMMM!!!
Czeslaw: What?
Valincar: Holy shit, Sonia-honey.
Lily: Aye! X3
Czeslaw: What are you doing with that rope!
Lily: X333333
Czeslaw: What? 4 ROPES?
Valincar: This could get bloody Sonia, let's go.
Sonia: NYYYARRRGGGHHHHH!!!

Valincar Disconnects

Sonia Logs Out


Rosetta: This is entertaining. I'm staying.
Lily: Heh heh heh.
Czeslaw: Rosetta, you jerk! Help me!
Rosetta: Nah!
Czeslaw: If I die, you'll be the only sane person here!
Rosetta: Oh shit, you're right.
Lily: YOU CANNOT STOP ME, HEATHEN!
Rosetta: Huh?
Lily: FOR I HAVE 4 MORE ROPES!

????? Flies In

Lily: -Who are you? .-.
?????: ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT!
Lily: But bullshitting is fun. T_T
Rosetta: I like this person.
Czeslaw: Me too.
?????: FAERIE SPARK!!
Lily: NUUUUUU!!!!!

Lily Disconnects

Czeslaw: Marry me.
Rosetta: I wanna marry her.
?????: Hello. *Glorious Hairflip*
Czeslaw: Marry me twice.
Rosetta: Thrice, even.
?????: I must take my leave~ *Eyewink*

????? Flies Away

Czeslaw: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Rosetta: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Czeslaw: WHY!? T_T
Rosetta: WE'RE SO LONELY, RIGHT CZESLAW?! T_T

Lily Logs In

Lily: Don't worry, my presence will make everyone feel dandy! :3
Czeslaw: Fuck you, Lily! D:<
Rosetta: Yeah, fuck you! >>
Lily: Dawww, you guys~<3
Rosetta: Ugh. I wish that fantastic girl would come back.
Czeslaw: She had sexy hair.







Czeslaw: WHAT?! SHE DID.
Rosetta: No objections.
Lily: Czeslaw and Mystery Girl sitting in a tuhree~!
Rosetta: FUCK OFF, LILY!
Czeslaw: Yeah!
Lily: You guys are such jerks. >>
Rosetta: Whatever, I just wish that unbelievably sexy badass would come back.

Elliot Logs In

Elliot: You called~?
Czeslaw: FUCK OFF!
Rosetta: FUCK OFF!
Lily: You guys told him to fuck off at the same time~<3
Lily: Teehee... That sounded dirty~<3
Elliot: FINE! HMPH!

Elliot Logs Out

Czeslaw: You've devastated us, Lily.
Rosetta: You drove away perfection!
Lily: I'll leave you guys be, don't worry~~~~!
Czeslaw: Just GO already! >>

Lily Logs Out

Czeslaw: *Sigh*
Rosetta: *Sigh*
Czeslaw: Do you think we'll ever see her again?
Rosetta: I dunn-

Ryas Logs In

Ryas: FOUND YOU, FUCKER!
Rosetta: OH SHIT!
Czeslaw: Huh?

Narrator Logs In

Narrator: What will happen to Rosetta?
Narrator: Why does Ryas want to rip her throat out and use it as a shoe?
Narrator: Find out next time...
Narrator: On STATISTICAL CHATTERBOX~!

Narrator Logs Out

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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:16 pm

Chapter 14 ~ Replacement

Aaric Logs In

Chloe Logs In

Caroline Logs In

Wallace Logs In


Aaric: Heya!
Chloe: Haaaaiiiiii~<3 :3
Caroline: H-H-Hello... x_x
Wallace: Hi.
Aaric: I bet you're all wondering who we are, right?
Chloe: And where Ryas and Rosetta went, right?
Caroline: And who the hell I am, right? x_x
Wallace: I don't think they are, to be honest.
Aaric: Well let's tell them anyways, okay Chloe!
Chloe: Yeah!
Caroline: We've replaced the main characters!
Chloe: Hey, that was my line! D:<
Caroline: S-S-Sorry...
Wallace: It would probably be best if we explain exactly who we're replacing. It's only logical.
Chloe: O-Oh, right! :3
Aaric: I'm Czeslaw's replacement! I'm like him, without the emo!
Wallace: Actually, it seems like your personality lost the emo, and your hair found it.
Chloe: I'm Lily's replacement! :3
Wallace: Shocker, I know.
Caroline: I-I'm Sonia's replacement! You see... I'm a character SLIV hasn't used yet, but it doesn't matter... B-B-Because I'm just another one of his cute, big-eyed female characters, that's all. ^^;
Wallace: And I'm Rosetta's replacement.
Chloe: But you're a dude. =_=
Wallace: That doesn't matter.
Aaric: I think he's hiding something!
Wallace: Rage! I summon you!

Rage Logs On

Wallace: Rage! Attack Aaric!
Rage: AKdmvdblmvLMVcdhklmbklmvcklmnx
Chloe: He's kinda cute.
Caroline: Is he just bashing the keyboard with his fists?
Aaric: I think so.
Wallace: Don't listen to them, Rage! It's okay!
Rage: c,d,mnd
Wallace: Isn't he just adorable?
Chloe: TOTALLY~<3
Aaric: He's kinda neat.

Rage Logs Out

Aaric: What? Where'd he go?
Wallace: His battery just ran out, that's all.
Caroline: D-D-D-D'you mean his computer's battery?
Wallace: No. His.









Chloe: Aaaaanyways~
Aaric: What do we talk about now?
Caroline: Well we're all new to this stuff, so I really don't know.
Wallace: We could play Go Fish.
Aaric: Hell no! Go Fish is for sissies!
Wallace: Do you have any better ideas?
Wallace: Everything in this chapter has just been a bunch of half-assed jokes.
Chloe: Oh, let me go get another one of ZERI's creations!
Aaric: Awesome, okay!

Chloe Logs Out

Caroline: I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU, YOU GODDAM BASTARDS CAN ROT IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE. FFFHHHGHGHGHGHNHHNJSGDKJSGDNM LSADMSAMDDMN<MZ<M<N!!!
Aaric: Holy shit. D:
Wallace: Aaric, I'm scared.
Caroline: HHHYHYYHAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!

Chloe Logs In

Hisako Logs In


Caroline: -Welcome back. ^^
Chloe: Hi guys! Meet Hisako!
Hisako: OH NA NA! WHAT'S MY NAME?!
Aaric: What?
Wallace: Oh god, no.
Hisako: OH NA NA! WHAT'S MY NAME?!
Aaric: Is she really singing...
Wallace: I think so.
Hisako: HEY BOY, I REALLY WANNA SEE IF CHOO CAN GO DOWNTOWN WIT A GURL LAYK ME!
Aaric: Rihanna...
Wallace: Who is she anyways?
Chloe: One of ZERI's creations! She's adorable! :3
Hisako: HEY BOY, I REALLY WANNA BE WIT CHOO, CAUSE JOO JUS MAH TYPE!
Aaric: Is she even using her guitar? It looks like she's just flailing it around...
Wallace: Watch out, Caroline!
Caroline: Woah, that guitar was close! ^^ I'll kill you the next time you lay a finger on me, you hear, bastard?
Wallace: Holy shit, did you hear that, Chloe?!
Hisako: BABY JOO GAT ME, AINT NOWHERE DAT ID BE, THEN WIT JOO ARMS ROUND ME.
Chloe: What is it, Wallace?
Hisako: BACK N' FORTH YOU RAWK MEH, SO I SURRENDER TO EV'RY WORD JOO WHISPAH!
Chloe: Keep it PG, Hisako. There are children in here. :3
Aaric: Who are you talking about?
Caroline: Who are you talking about?
Wallace: Ugh, get her out of here, please.
Hisako: OH NA NA NA! WHAT'S MY NAME?!
Chloe: Come on, Hisako, let's take you somewhere nice.
Hisako: OH NA NA NA NA NANANA!

Chloe Logs Out

Hisako Logs Out


Caroline: HYYAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!
Wallace: Quickly, Aaric!
Aaric: HYYAAH!

Caroline Disconnects

Wallace: Hopefully we won't be seeing much of her anymore, she was a rabid beast!
Aaric: I agree... What should we do now?
Wallace: I'm leaving.
Aaric: Fine! D:<
Wallace: Tell your emo hair I said goodbye!
Aaric: So what if it's fwooshy! It's still blond!

Wallace Logs Out

Aaric Logs Out

Durn
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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:35 pm

Chapter 15 ~ Valincar's Diary of Pleasantries

Valincar Logs In

Valincar: Hmmm... Hello viewers.
Valincar: You all probably know me as Valincar Morte!
Valincar: The egotistical bastard everyone hates-





Valincar: You mean I don't say that?... Oh....




Valincar: They were sidenotes?...


Valincar: ... For fucking what?!
Valincar: Never mind!
Valincar: As I was saying, I'm here today to share with you peasants a couple of my stories.
Valincar: Oh, here we go!
Valincar: Be it a poem, I see?!
Valincar: Ahoy!
Valincar Corneliusenthine Morte wrote:Dear Diary,

Roses are black,
Violets are gray,
Being colorblind sucks,
I want to die.

The puppies are rotting,
They aren't even good to eat,
What kind of puppies are those?
Ones without an edible nose?

~End Entry <3~
Valincar: Oh my! I remember writing that one, I was going through my angst filled teenager years! Ha ha!
Valincar: Oh me and my raging hormones back then.
Valincar: Ahhh.
Valincar: What?
Valincar: Oh, sorry. I got carried away~
Valincar: Anythou, let us continue...
Valincar: ... Let's see here...
Valincar: AHA!
Terra Aurora Courmier wrote:
Spoiler:
FUCK YOU.
~Terry<3~
Valincar: Ah, yes... That one's a keeper.
Valincar: That girl fell for me head over heels!
Valincar: Or, floating disembodied ghost over heels!
Valincar: ... Haha!
Valincar: .... Ha...
Valincar: Why yes...
Valincar: ... Continue we shall...
Valincar: I wonder if I can find one of my old checks that I kept from a restaurant back in the 700's!
Valincar: You know you'd be delighted if you could see such an ancient piece of art~!
Valincar: ... Let's see...
Valincar: Here we go!
Ye Olden Food Stand wrote:Thank you for visiting Ye Old Food Stand, heathen.

Your cheque includes the following, dear sir/madam:
----------------------
LAMB : x1 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 50 shillings
SACK OF ROCKS : x2 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 85 shillings
DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY : x1 - - - - - - - - 450 shillings
YE OLD SOUVENIR BOBBLE-HEAD : x3 - - - - - 150 shillings

Please never come back. Have a nice afternoon, dear sir/madam.
Valincar: God fucking damn it, people!
Valincar: I completely forgot how awesome the crap I had was!
Valincar: .. Ahem...
Valincar: I mean how exhilarating the dear treasures I have concealed... err...
Valincar: Don't judge!
Valincar: ... That's bad!
Valincar: Oh, now wait until you see this piece of work!
Valincar: It's my very first...



Valincar: No, not condom, you pitiful dolt.



Valincar: My very first love letter to Sonia~!
Valincar Long-Ass-Middle-Name Morte wrote:Sonia,

Your eyes shimmer like the newly drawn blood that squirts from the eyes of my enemies,
Your soul is the brightest I've seen, throughout all of my years of possessing children.

Your hair is softer than that one, [Ye Old] fucking stupendous goat I stroked at the petting zoo,
Your skin is softer than the newly brewed flesh of a young frog that was slewn shortly after birth.

Your internal organs sound so warm compared to mine organs, which stopped functioning hundreds of years ago,
Your face is delicious.

, Vallykyun.
Valincar: I was such a... what do the children call it these days...
Valincar: Oh yes, a "play-er".
Valincar: That's it.
Valincar: ... Yep.
Valincar: ...
Valincar: I really don't know what else I have to show you...
Valincar: Hold on, let's see here...
Valincar: ...
Valincar: =D
Granny Valincar wrote:Dear Vallydear,

You left the stove on at my cottage, you ungrateful bastard, you.

Love with hugs and kisses,
Granny
Valincar: And with that, we're out of time!
Valincar: Next time on Statbox, we'll be resuming the brawl between Rosetta and Ryas!
Valincar: Toodle-loo!

Durn
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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Sun Nov 21, 2010 11:41 am

Chapter 16 ~ Typical Anticlimactic Ending

Ryas: FOUND YOU, FUCKER.
Rosetta: OH SHIT!
Czeslaw: Huh?
Ryas: AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, FUCKING BITCHFACE...
Czeslaw: That was rude.
Ryas: SHUT YOUR ASS, EMO.
Czeslaw: >>
Rosetta: I must escape!
Ryas: HOLD STILL, BITCHFACE.
Czeslaw: You've used that insult already. >>
Ryas: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
Rosetta: Help meeeeee.... T_T
Ryas: I WILL NOW... FEAST UPON YOUR INNARDS.
Rosetta: Nuuuuuuu!! D:

Rosetta Disconnects

Czeslaw: Rosetta? NO!!!
Ryas: FUCKING SHIT.
Czeslaw: What? Didn't you kill her?
Czeslaw: That's what normally happens when people disconnect. It's a RUNNING GAG! D:
Ryas: No...
Ryas: ... She actually disconnected.
Ryas: Fucking dial-up connect of hers.
Czeslaw: I see...
Ryas: Well, this sucks.
Czeslaw: We could've turned this into a zombie apocalypse murder spree episode if you had eaten her.
Ryas: Yep. Oh well...
Czeslaw: *sigh*
Ryas: What now?
Czeslaw: Get out.
Ryas: What? Why?!
Czeslaw: Don't think I'll let you-

Marie Logs In

Marie: DOOOOOOOOOOOOM~~~~!!!
Czeslaw: ... You've got to be fucking with me. =_=

Elliot Logs In

Elliot: WHY YES~!

Elliot Logs Out

Ryas: What the hell?
Marie: WE WILL ALL BE SMITTEN BY THE HIGHER GODS.
Marie: SMMIIIIITTTTENNNNNNNNNNNNN....
Czeslaw: Great, Marie's lost it.
Marie: IT SHALL RETUUUUUURRRNNNNNN.
Czeslaw: What?
Marie: ET!
Ryas: God damn moron, spit it out!
Marie: ET! ET ET!
Czeslaw: Oh look, she's convulsing on the floor now.
Ryas: Pretty...
Ryas: I'm out.
Czeslaw: Bye.
Ryas: Faggot.

Ryas Logs Out

Czeslaw: >>
Marie: ET! ET ET! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM~~~!!!!!
Czeslaw: I think you should leave before somebody starts to take you seriously, Marie.

Sonia Logs In

Sonia: Hi guys... x_x
Czeslaw: Get out.
Sonia: W-W-W-W-Why?...
Marie: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM~!!
Sonia: Aaahhhh! She's trying to shove a stake through my chest! D:
Czeslaw: That's why.
Marie: Evil DEMON!
Marie: I SHALL SMITE THEE FOR THE HIGHER GODS.
Czeslaw: I like this girl now. Continue, please.
Sonia: NOOOOOO!!!
Marie: Yes... Yes.... My dear girl... Dieeeeeee.
Sonia: Nuuuuuu....
Marie: I shall now feast on your flesh! The gods told me to do so!
Czeslaw: Which god, exactly?
Marie: His name? IDONTKNOWHISNAMEBUTHESHANDSOME.
Czeslaw: Are you okay?
Czeslaw: Marie... Put down Sonia's arm, you can finish your meal later.
Marie: NNYYYYYAAGGGHHHH!!
Czeslaw: Okay... Okay... E-Eat now... D:
Marie: Yes... Warm innards... So cuddly...
Czeslaw: Something's seriously wrong with you.
Czeslaw: Oh well. Seems like this actually is a zombie apocalypse episode.
Marie: RAWBARAWRBGHAA!!

Lily Logs In

Lily: Hold it right there!
Czeslaw: It's you. >>
Lily: Yes, me! Zombie slayer extraordinaire~! E-X-T-R-A...O...Q...
Lily: WHATEVER~!
Czeslaw: Just kill Marie, please...
Lily: Yessir!
Marie: HISSSSS!!!
Lily: Die, foul creature!
Marie: NU! ET ET! DOOOOOOOM~!!
Lily: What? NO!
Czeslaw: Shoving a stake through her chest too?! D:
Lily: HELLLP MEEEEE!!!....
Czeslaw: This day just keeps getting better and better!
Marie: DOOOOOM~! FLESSSHHHHH~!
Czeslaw: Woops. There goes her face.
Czeslaw: She looks better without her face, yes.
Marie: OM NOM NOM.
Czeslaw: And there goes the arm.
Czeslaw: I should probably move to the side a little to avoid the blood.
Marie: DOOOOOOOOOOM~!
Czeslaw: This is boring now. I'm leaving.

Czeslaw Logs Out

Marie: All of you... shall be smitten!
Marie: Hissssss....

Marie Logs Out

Durn
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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Wed Feb 09, 2011 6:49 pm

Chapter 17 ~ The Complain Hotline

Ryas Logs In

Stranger1 Logs In


Ryas: Welcome to the Complaint Hotline, how may I help you?
Stranger1: Oh, yeah, hi.
Ryas: Did you hear me? How may I help you? I didn't greet you.
Stranger1: You see?! This is the kind of shit I came over here to complain about! The terrible-ass service I have to deal with every day here!
Ryas: Don't like it? File a complaint and get me fired.
Stranger1: Why the hell do you think I'm here? That's what I'm doing!!
Ryas: Then I suggest you calm down and ask nicely.
Stranger1: May I file a complaint?
Ryas: No shit.
Stranger1: ... Deep breaths...
Ryas: Sir, may I help you?
Stranger1: I would like to file a complaint, I think-
Ryas: Oh really?
Stranger1: ... I think that the service here is beyond despicable.
Stranger1: It's atrocious!
Ryas: And you wish me to carry out this complaint and get myself fired?
Stranger1: Yes.
Ryas: Say please.
Stranger1: ... Please?
Ryas: I'm sorry sir, you've reached your time limit. I hope the service you've been given today was satisfactory. We hope we don't hear from you again soon! =D
Stranger1: -Wait... What?!

Stranger1 Disconnects

Stranger2 Logs In

Ryas: Welcome to the Complaint Hotline, how may I help you?
Stranger2: Mmhmm, my daughter is enrolled in the local school 'round these parts.
Ryas: Get to the point, miss.
Stranger2: Well, this teacher of hers isn't treatin' her properly, and I want it fixed.
Ryas: In that case, can I have your surname, please?
Stranger2: The name's Smith. Spelled "S-M-I"-
Ryas: What do I look like to you, a fucking tool?
Stranger2: Ohh, I'm sorry. Was a small misunderstandin'.
Ryas: ...
Ryas: Hold on, the computer is attempting to find your daughter. What grade is she in?
Stranger2: She's a 5th grader.
Ryas: Hold on, please.









Ryas: Damn Internet Explorer!









Ryas: Okay, here we go. Says here that your daughter's name is...
Ryas: "La-a"?
Stranger2: For fuck's sakes, lady. You pro-nunce it Ladasha.
Stranger2: The dash ain't silent.
Ryas: ... Ladasha?
Stranger2: Spell it "La-a", don't get no cockiness round me, lady.
Ryas: I'm sorry ma'am, you've reached your time limit. I hope the service you've been given today was satisfactory. We hope we don't hear from you again soon! =D
Stranger2: You gonna hear from mah lawyer about this!!

Stranger2 Disconnects

Stranger4 Logs In

Ryas: Welcome to the Complaint Hotline, how may I help you?
Stranger4: My boyfriend committed suicide after he learned that I was pregnant with his brother's baby, the child itself was a stillborn, not even his brother would help me nurture the child, I received no support from either side of the family, and I-
Ryas: ... Yeah, can't help you there.
Stranger4: But the child!
Ryas: I'm sorry ma'am, you've reached your time limit. I hope the service you've been given today was satisfactory. We hope we don't hear from you again soon! =D

Stranger4 Disconnects

Stranger3 Logs In

Ryas: Welcome to the Complaint Hotline, how may I help you?
Stranger3: Um yeah, about those Creepers...
Ryas: ... What about those "Creepers"?
Stranger3: They need to drop more gunpow-
Ryas: YOU FUCKING HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
Stranger3: Huh?
Ryas: YOU FUCKING HOLD IT.
Stranger3: Okay, lady-
Ryas: I SAID HOLD IT THE FUCK UP!!
Ryas: I'VE DEALT WITH A LOT OF SHIT AROUND THESE PARTS!!
Ryas: BUT NEVER HAVE I ONCE HAD TO DEALT WITH A PUSSY WHO CAN'T EVEN SLAY A COUPLE OF CREEPERS TO GET THEIR NIGHTLY SUPPLY OF GUNPOWDER!!
Ryas: HELL, WHY WOULD AN UNCOORDINATED BASTARD LIKE YOU NEED TNT IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
Ryas: WITH YOUR BRAINS, YOU'D JUST END UP BLOWING THE HELL OUT OF YOUR OWN BASE!
Ryas: YOU KNOW WHAT?!
Ryas: WHY THE HELL DO I WORK HERE?!
Ryas: I SHOULD BE THE ONE COMPLAINING!!
Stranger3: Uh, miss...
Ryas: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
Ryas: WHY THE HELL DID STRANGER4 COME BEFORE STRANGER3? DAMN IT, DURN!!!
Ryas: STRANGER4 WAS AN OBVIOUS TROLL ANYWAYS!! HOW THE HELL CAN A STILLBORN CHILD BE NURTURED?!
Ryas: I MEAN, HELL, DURN DIDN'T EVEN SPELL THE CHAPTER TITLE CORRECTLY!!!
Ryas: I QUIT.
Stranger3: Jeez.
Stranger3: ... Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Stranger 3 Disconnects

Ryas Logs Out

Durn
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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

Post by Durn on Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:57 pm

Chapter 18 ~ Extremely Wild And Untamed Night Club Experience

Sonia Logs In

Czeslaw Logs In

Rosetta Logs In

Lily Logs In

Kevin Logs In

Zero Logs In

Valincar Logs In

Aster Logs In


Sonia: *CRRRREEEEEEEEKKKKK*



Sonia: One... Two... One...









Sonia: *HRHRPFFFUU* *PFF* Three...






Czeslaw: Hey Rosetta, I think she's having trouble with the microphone.
Rosetta: She's a big girl, Czeslaw. She can handle it.




Sonia: *HHHPHPPFFF* Th- *PFFF*


Sonia: One... Two... Three...



Sonia: Okay... Okay! H-H-Hello everyone! Welcome to the C-Cybercafe of Alidaire!
Sonia: I-I hope you all enjoy the wonderful... w-wonderful performances she... we have prepared for y-you all!!

Czeslaw: Remind me again why we're conversing through a chat room, please.
Lily: It's more fun than talking~!
Czeslaw: But we're all lined up in a row on a bunch of computers in some random hole-in-the-wall dump that tries to pass itself off as a night club...
Czeslaw: It's ridiculous.
Rosetta: I feel pathetic.
Lily: The show is starting~! Shhhh!!!
Sonia: T-T-T-T-Tonight... We'll o-open up with our prime comedist!
Sonia: ...
Sonia: ... Umm...



Valincar: ... It's "comedian", dear~!

Sonia: ... Okay. Our prime comedian, the fantastic Myuu Rindel!

Myuu Logs In

Myuu: ... D:
Myuu: Ummm...
Myuu: Okay...




Myuu: ... How do you make antifreeze?







Myuu: ... Y-You steal her blanket.
Rosetta: I'm worried.
Czeslaw: I'm not.
Lily: I don't get the joke.
Myuu: Umm...


Myuu: .... Hold on...




Myuu: T-T-T....
Myuu: To write with a broken pencil is pointless!





























Rosetta: FOR FUCKS SAKE, GET ON WITH IT!!
Czeslaw: H-Hey, Rosetta! That's not necessary! Sit down!
Lily: Yeah~!
Aster: Learn how to tame your women, Czes!
Lily: That line was brilliant, Aster-kyun~!
Myuu: ... U-Umm... G-G-Guys...
Czeslaw: Like I-
Rosetta: What was that, Aster?
Aster: Errr...
Rosetta: WELL!?
Aster: Umm... You see...
Myuu: I USED TO HAVE A FEAR OF HURDLES, BUT I GOT OVER IT!!










Rosetta: ... I... I don't know what to say to that, Myuu.
Myuu: WHEN A CLOCK IS HUNGRY, IT GOES BACK FOUR SECONDS!!
Myuu: IF YOU DON'T PAY YOUR EXORCIST, YOU GET REPOSSESSED!!!
Rosetta: Myuu, you don't need to tell any more jo-
Myuu: HHHHHNNNNGGGG
Czeslaw: Now I'm worried.
Aster: Haha! Hahahahah!
Myuu: EVERY CALENDAR'S DAYS ARE NUMBERED!!
Myuu: I LIKE CAMPING, IT'S IN TENTS!!
Czeslaw: Should we subdue him?
Rosetta: KEVIN, GET OVER HERE!!
Kevin: Aid living filth in restraining one of their own?
Kevin: I would never stain my civilized palms with your appalling behavior!
Czeslaw: So now he's a vegetarian, I take it.
Kevin: Have some decency, you barbaric folk!

Kevin Logs Out

Myuu: WHAT DO YOU CALL A MELON THAT CAN'T GET MARRIED!?
Rosetta: Someone get him off of the stage!
Lily: Fire~!!
Czeslaw: Wait, what?!
Myuu: A CAN'T ELOPE!!

Commercial Break Logs In

Commercial: Now, watch with great care and precision.
Commercial: Become one with the animal kingdom, and indulge yourself within the natural world!
Commercial: Watch majestic giraffes necking each other in valiant wars for survival!
Commercial: Watch the prideful lions graze across the golden plains of the savanna!
Commercial: Watch GRACEFULLY as rhinos reproduce, and give birth to new life!
Commercial: Tune in to DISCOVERAH channel today~!

Commercial Break Logs Out

Czeslaw: I apologize for the sudden interruption.
Lily: Necking sounds like a sex move~!!
Rosetta: Be quiet, Lily.
Czeslaw: And while we were on a break, we... calmed... Myuu!
Sonia: Y-Yes... And the next act will s-start soon!!
Lily: The neck-st act will start soon~! :3

Commercial Break Logs In

Commercial: A world where young girls are decapitated by giant, flesh eating worms...
Commercial: A world where a rabbit-squirrel creature is a literal reincarnation of the devil...
Commercial: A world where every supernatural experience includes a nice dose of LSD...
Commercial: A world where innocent schoolgirls are psychologically tampered with and demolished...
Commercial: Venture into the depths of Durn's new anime obsession...
Commercial: Mahou Shoujo Madoka★Magica~!

Commercial Break Logs Out

Sonia: N-N-Next up... We have the mellifluous poet, Zero.
Sonia: P-P-P-Please come up to the s-stage, Zero.






Zero: Crimson showers of rain splatter upon the dirt,
Zero: The white, snowy dirt of lost, hopeless dreams and nightmares alike,
Zero: Small children, brutally massacred and mangled,
Zero: Beaten and bruised,
Zero: No dreams come alive within the reddened, snowy world,
Zero: Only nightmares of torment and hatred,
Zero: And when the children awaken,
Zero: Only nightmares await them,
Zero: Only nightmares,
Zero: Only,
Zero: Only...

Sonia: O-O-Okay Zero!... That's... T-That's enough for now!!
Zero: But I was just getting started.
Sonia: T-T-That's okay!!
Sonia: You can continue after this short intermission!!

Durn
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Re: Statistical Chatterbox

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