"Dear _______"

Ancient Chinese Fortune Cookie I Got Yesterday After Dinner:
O minuscule scroll, hidden away within the confines of your crunchy prison, grant me good luck and prosperity towards thine research paper. Thou hast found it increasingly harder to distribute time towards this, alas, it is due within 18 hours. Grace me with the drive to complete and send this to thine instructor before the time is due.

Signed Most Graciously,
Distracted Summer Camp Student


Dear Math Teacher,
The fuck? I shouldn't have to be the one to do my project all over just because all of it is in my partner's writing. I DID do a fair amount of the work, writing down both real-world examples, explanations, and formulas, as well as a quiz question. A day and a half is NOT enough time to do a booklet, especially since we don't have unlimited internet access, and you said we couldn't do our previous project AFTER we had written down all of the steps and equations down? Fuckerburg. All my partner did was come up with the remaining 5 questions, and write it down in her handwriting. So now I get points deducted from whatever I turn in on Monday, AND now I learn that it was supposed to be my final? Okay. McShittigens.
This isn't worth the semester elective bull-shit I get. I'm stressing out over a class that isn't even real, are you seriously serious. You are? Okay. Thanks. Dickwellington.

Sincerely,
Overreacting Student in your shitty math class.

Brother,

If I wake up and my laptop is either
a) Missing from my room
b) Turned off because the battery is dead
c) On, but has 1289471 windows up because you didn't click them off/turn off the computer properly, and now it is running slow

I will come into the living room and hang you by your filthy mouth with a rusty, pissed on fishing hook.
In the yard.
Without any clothes on.
So that Old Pervert Starbuck can oggle at you.
Hope you enjoy it.
PS - Just because you're half an inch taller than me now doesn't mean you're automatically stronger than me. And every time you stand next to me and say "wow, you sure are short" does not make you any more taller. WOW, you're FINALLY taller than me! Congrats! Want a fucking cookie? And it only took you 15 years, great! I think you deserve some applause, seriously.
PPS - Stop griping at me about what mom does. Talk to her yourself. I'm tired of being you two's go-between for your nagging.

-Your annoyed big sister.


Dear Bitchy Other Female On Other Forum,
I wanted to get along with you as we're minorities on the forum, not for you to smart off to me. Especially in a post that had nothing to do with you. Who pissed in your cornflakes?

Creame.


Phew, I feel a lot better~~ ^w^

Dear person who coded this newest version of the worm,

You, sir, are a dick and I sincerely hope that yours falls off and you have to watch it get eaten by dogs.

Your unnamed enemy,
Me.

Dear Facebook,

Get your shit together and fix your goddamn servers. This is ridiculous.

Sincerely,
A user.

Dear Partner,

Please, learn the routine. I've mastered that bitch and you are still getting the shine and the S wrong. The ball is saturday and I want this to look good!

Sincerely,
Your partner

Jessica,
Please play Portal 2 with me. ;_;
And if you invite me to board games, actually play it with me instead of going afk halfway through because you're on Reddit or something. >:T

-Your fweind


Dear Job people,

Please hire me. I need money. ;w;

-Unemployed Teen in need of a car.

Dear Nix,

Ye? That would be great. Just send it over to Kansas and put some proper state tags on it, sign it over to my ownership, and I can take it over from there. :3c
But really, thanks for the offer. xD

-Kirimu

Dear reason why I'm writing,

What Nix said.

Thanks.

Dear Everyone Telling Me What To Do,

Don't tell me what to do.
I'll make my own choices, thanks. Even if it means it won't benefit you, I want to decide things that are better for me.

-Conflicted Student



Dear Pocket,
Please decide on a time we can meet up.
Also: You're so cute hngggg--

-Your Ken-Ken

Dear Nix,
What? What did you get? xD It's a different thing every time, so you won't get the same image every time you click on it. o3o

Double post by accident, I thought I would make use of it.

Dear Katsy,
Stop being a loser. :3c

-Me

Dear wireless,

Stop booting me off the internet. kthxbai.

-Zeri.

Dear laptop with your oversensitive touchpad,

Thankyou very much for letting me close the window and lose my entire post. Again, increasing my reputation for being irritatingly late. Really, thanks.

Cerani.

Dear Cerani's laptop's oversensitive touchpad,

Backup is on the way.

-The Mafia

Dear Mafia,

Don't kill me?

Cerani.

Dear Eternal Dream,

y u no have open rps i can join
or y ur rps no seem open when they are.

Love,
~Laev

Dear Butters,

You have nothing to fear. All we want is the drugs.

-The Mafia.

Dear DSi,

Why is your power button where I distinctly remember the start button being? Now you made me go and press you, hoping to skip a cutscene, and now I have to go through all those levels again.

Scumbag DSi.

-Zeri.

Dear Mafia,

Ah, thanks. I was hoping to get rid of those soon. I'll arrange a pickup later.

Cerani.

*minirant because I don't feel like going to the ranting section*

Spoiler:

So that I'll be on topic:

Dear GMs and RPers on said forum:
Please read the Rules of Roleplaying sticky'd at the top of the page a bit more thoroughly. Might just be being a bitch here, but you know. I just want to be in a good RP, okai?
Thanks,
Creame

Dear Walmart Assistant Manager Diane,

Don't put me in foods tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or Friday night. You know what? Don't put me in chemicals tomorrow night, even though that's where I KNOW I'm going to be. I don't want to do chemicals. Just leave me in pets, and we won't have a problem.

Kthxbai.
-Zeri.