/everything seems to suck about my life.

I know that some people online and offline might see me as a cheerful guy, as I really like to be! But, honestly, I question that -- am I really as such? Cheerful, an optimist, and laid-back? I honestly think I can get as moody as a sour puss. Just last night, I was depressed for various reasons; and the only way I felt that I can shave off that depression was eating potato chips; which even then, at the end of the day, It didn't work! I felt like a pig, and even more stressed out. Really; I really have no idea why I get so stressed and depressed when there's nothing wrong at all. I just call it "one of those days..." Its happening more frequently now a days; and its eating me up inside.

Have you ever felt those feelings on where at the end of each day, you just say: "what the hell's the point anymore?" That's the question that's been riddling up my mind these past months. At home, I'm always compared to other people around my age; like for example, the fact some of them my grandmother talks about has a higher paying job than I; and the fact is, the job I have really takes a toll on me emotionally; which... I couldn't even begin to tell on how depressed I was that my friends were being more successful than I. Another example is when my uncle said that: "RAAAAAAWWWR U HAVE NO GIRFRIEND!!!1! YOUR COUSIN HAS ONE!" That especially took a toll on my emotional state because I personally, lost track on how many relationships that just went downhill for me. Honestly? At first I was like: "why would I give a crap?" I wouldn't call the most popular guy around anyway, and I didn't give a crap about that anyways; I've made my friends for who they are; not on their "social standing". Even when it comes here to PC; I don't want people to just look and talk with me, just because I'm a moderator; I just wanna chat cause I'm Shawn, and I'd really would like to get to know the person. Anyhow, admittedly, watching the people who are currently having a successful relationship in their life; I guess I get pretty jealous. That's an emotion I don't like -- jealousy.

I guess another thing is that sometimes I like to think and view life like a play. Well its weird! But yeah; there are no small parts, just small actors. I just wish that the people who are closest to me could understand that. My mother's relationship with my father is in the pits and rocks. Everyday, my mom always chews dad out for not doing well for himself, which, on the contrary, dad has a good paying job working with cars; even a second job to boot for even more money. While it is true that mother is a nurse, and most likely make more of a yearly salary than my dad, I always tell my mom that dad is trying to make something of himself too. However, whenever I do, mother always chews me up: "oh? why do you always defend him?" Like this is a battles of sides or something. Of course, they're divorced, but before, I used to always be in the middle of their heated arguments. Its unbelievable.

What I don't like about dad though is that he's pretty much a perfectionist. While there's nothing wrong with that honestly; its just -- the heat that my dad gives me for "not giving his standards" is nerve racking. I'm not the type of person that goes well under pressure. If I get yelled at because of a mistake, I'll just keep doing more mistakes; and I'll like an idiot at the end of it all. I know sometimes I might make mistakes when it comes to moderating here; its just, ugh, I just... kick myself over that. Even when it comes to talking with people; I sometimes have noooo idea what the subject even is; thus, I ask a lot of questions. Maybe it comes off annoying? I dunno about other people, but...I sometimes feel...lower? Wow I don't even know.

I don't know you personally, but from what you've said here, it sounds like you're doing as well for yourself as you can, and even though others in your life say things that might imply otherwise, you have to tone them out. Don't think of this as being arrogant, but you should think that you know best. Accept help from others or advice when you need it, but if you /know/ you're doing a great job, then you're most likely doing a great job. Everyone has different perspectives and standards, but all that matters is your own when it comes to evaluating your own life.

As for 'those days', everyone gets those. It was interesting that you said you ask yourself 'what's the point anymore?' but are you not curious of the future? That's what keeps me going. Curiosity. That's not the only reason, but hey, you were the one that said life was like a play, and it'd be pretty bleh to bail out early. If you don't like the pressure and jealousy, turn it into something positive like determination and you'll find that you'll be going stronger than ever. You do seem cheerful. You do seem optimistic. I think those are the true qualities of your being, but they're buried beneath a layer of the bad feelings you've been experiencing lately. Express, express! Just be yourself. That always helps chase the bad away. And friends too. Talking to friends always helps. :3

too long; didn't read.
I did, however, read your first paragraph or so.
You should seek help. Symptoms of suicide.

Illusionary Blademage wrote:too long; didn't read.

Considering you didn't read the entire thing, I don't think just telling him to get help is the most helpful thing you could input.

However, I did read the entire thing, and I have to agree with Masq on this one. While I've never met you personally and though we don't talk much I think you've got things going for yourself. If you believe you have your priorities straight then who cares what anyone else thinks? Live your life how you want to and enjoy every moment you have.

I wasn't saying my input will be particularly helpful, but it is true that the things described in the first and second paragraphs are precursors to suicidal thoughts and eventually suicide. Of course, there's a lot of precursors that may just never develop, but this one sounds like it's developing.

I'm sorry if it sounded like I was saying it was bad advice. I just don't think it was the best advice to offer. I mean, yes, telling him to seek help for these precursors is a good thing; But just because these are precursors in most cases, doesn't mean they are in this case.

I read the whole thing, and I'm now more sure of it. You're right, it could turn out to be nothing, but if it happens to turn into something, even seeking help will not fully cure him. He'll still end up scarred and mildly screwed up, most likely a sociopath.
It's better to just prevent the probability altogether than wait and see and risk it changing you forever.

Well, it was just something I wanted to talk about anyway.
Its made me feel better in the process. ^^ Thanks. :3

Illusionary Blademage wrote:I read the whole thing, and I'm now more sure of it. You're right, it could turn out to be nothing, but if it happens to turn into something, even seeking help will not fully cure him. He'll still end up scarred and mildly screwed up, most likely a sociopath.
It's better to just prevent the probability altogether than wait and see and risk it changing you forever.

What are you talking about.
Who said anything about suicide or being screwed up?

This is just something to get off my chest.

Yeah. 'Dwaggy' and 'sociopath' don't belong in the same sentence.

Just saying. Such things have a strong tendency to lead up to thoughts of suicide, which, obviously enough, tend to lead to suicide.

Illusionary Blademage wrote:Just saying. Such things have a strong tendency to lead up to thoughts of suicide, which, obviously enough, tend to lead to suicide.

You are obviously leading a very sheltered life and know nothing of the human mind.

@Dwaggy: Dwaggy, I love you, and you are awesome. That's all you need to know, hon.

You can trust Zeri on that much, she definitely knows what she's talking about on both accounts.

Zerifachias wrote:

Illusionary Blademage wrote:Just saying. Such things have a strong tendency to lead up to thoughts of suicide, which, obviously enough, tend to lead to suicide.

You are obviously leading a very sheltered life and know nothing of the human mind.

@Dwaggy: Dwaggy, I love you, and you are awesome. That's all you need to know, hon.

You obviously know nothing about me. Sorry to say, but you're clearly uneducated in the art of psychology. You know, I really believe everybody should delve a little into it, because it really does help with a lot of things.

Well, thanks, but don't worry yourself about myself having suicidal thoughts because I don't have them.

@Zeri: thanks. :3 <3

I never said you did. I said there's a chance you will. A chance you may as well eliminate, non?

Uhh, unless for some reason I am mistaken, Zeri studies psychology in fact I believe it's her major.

Illusionary Blademage wrote:

Zerifachias wrote:

Illusionary Blademage wrote:Just saying. Such things have a strong tendency to lead up to thoughts of suicide, which, obviously enough, tend to lead to suicide.

You are obviously leading a very sheltered life and know nothing of the human mind.

@Dwaggy: Dwaggy, I love you, and you are awesome. That's all you need to know, hon.

You obviously know nothing about me. Sorry to say, but you're clearly uneducated in the art of psychology. You know, I really believe everybody should delve a little into it, because it really does help with a lot of things.

As Sliv said, Zeri does major in psychology.

As for you, Dwaggy, you're an awesome person. Dwaggy should just keep being Dwaggy and everything will work out in the end. <3

Illusionary Blademage wrote:

Zerifachias wrote:

Illusionary Blademage wrote:Just saying. Such things have a strong tendency to lead up to thoughts of suicide, which, obviously enough, tend to lead to suicide.

You are obviously leading a very sheltered life and know nothing of the human mind.

@Dwaggy: Dwaggy, I love you, and you are awesome. That's all you need to know, hon.

You obviously know nothing about me. Sorry to say, but you're clearly uneducated in the art of psychology. You know, I really believe everybody should delve a little into it, because it really does help with a lot of things.

You know what?

FUCK. YOU.

My major is in psychology, I've taken more psychology classes than most of my fellow students, and I'm only in my sophomore year. I'm sorry, but you don't know me, so you should NOT assume anything about me, or shit will get real. I don't give a fuck who you are or who your friends are. IF you EVER think about speaking to me in that kind of tone, I will fucking cuss you out more so than I'm doing now.

That's funny. Anyways, I get it, the boards are clearly in zeri's favor, thus inhibiting any sort of civilized discussion that could have happened. If zeri wishes to push the point more, feel free to pm me. In fact, I hope you do, because you sound interesting enough to discuss a few psychological theories with.
Is what I wanted to say, then the forums alerted me of zeri's rage quit.
Bro, you just said the same exact thing to me. If you want to grow, then you'd best look at your own actions as well.

Nah, it's just that, in a world where we've made it to count, Zeri studying psychology as extensively as he does (AHEM MAJORING IN IT), his thoughts on the subject are more credible than your measly observations. If you've done some studying of your own, good for you. It's not your profession; you have no credibility.

The issue has already been resolved in PMs, and you really don't know what my major or profession is, so how can you possibly say that?

Eh, I'm assuming you're not in college and I'm assuming you're not a psychologist. I know assumptions are dangerous, but I think I'll trust my intuition on this one.

That's funny.

I havent took the time to read the rest of the replies but I know how you are feeling exactly right now, just let me know if you find the solution

Illusionary Blademage wrote:That's funny.

You know, if you actually took the time to talk about your credentials instead of being a complete dick, then MAYBE we wouldn't have this problem.

So, that being said, stop being an asshole or get out. I don't care who the fuck you think you are, but nothing gives you the right to act this way to my friends.