Re: Eternal Dream: Online

by Durn Fri Jan 31, 2014 6:45 pm

Durn moves to L6.

Durn attacks Soul Flytrap! 5 physical damage!

The wall crumbled into pieces as a gigantic pen crashed down through the canopy of blazing branches and smashed it instantly. With no time to worry about what sort of satanic mumbo-jumbo summoned the gigantic writing utensil, I gaze beyond the newly opened corridor of wood to see a massive, plant-like creature. Its arms, though nonexistent, and its legs, though particularly minuscule in stature, were more than compensated by the wide variety of mouths scattered sporadically across its body. Each maw oozed a glowing substance that burned through the dead leaves blanketing the ground as it fell.

Beyond the creature, I saw a single man adorned in a set of robes. He looked familiar, but I really had no time to examine him too thoroughly. After all, pens were falling from the sky and gigantic flytraps wanted to eat me for breakfast.

Zone 01: The Backwards Wood
Part J - Krizantema

Location: The Backwards Wood - Home Tree - Accident Site

Objectives: Defeat Crison Artiel, the Weed of the Heart!

Achievement: N/A

Music: Glow in Ashes

{X} { } { } { } { } {Z} { } { } {T} {T} {T} {T} {T} A
{X} {X} {X} { } { } {T} { } {K} { } { } {5} { } {T} B
{X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } {T} { } {T} { } {T} { } {T} C
{X} {X} {X} {X} {T} { } { } {T} { } { } {T} { } { } D
{X} {X} { } { } { } {T} { } {H} { } {T} { } { } {T} E
{X} {X} { } {X} { } { } {X} {X} {T} { } { } { } { } F
{X} { } { } {X} {X} { } { } {T} { } { } { } {G} { } G
{X} {X} { } {X} {X} { } { } {4} { } { } {T} {C} {X} H
{X} { } { } {M} { } { } {X} {X} {X} { } { } {X} {X} I
{X} {X} {X} {X} { } {7} {X} {X} {X} {X} { } {X} {X} J
{X} {X} {X} {X} {X} { } {X} {X} {X} { } {2} { } { } K
{X} {X} { } { } { } {D} { } {X} { } { } { } {X} { } L
{X} { } {S} { } {C} { } { } {X} { } {X} {X} { } { } M
{ } { } {X} { } { } {X} { } { } { } { } {X} {T} { } N
{ } { } { } {X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } { } {X} {X} {X} O
{X} {X} { } { } {X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } { } { } {X} P
-1---2---3---4---5---6---7---8---9--10--11--12--13-

Vergil walks over a pile of leaves! Vergil falls into a concealed hole!

Vergil enters Obscure Cavern!

Vergil takes 2 fall damage! [Gravity]

Laughing Wall (1) takes 21 damage! [Silver]

Laughing Wall (1) OVERKILL!!

Laughing Wall (3) takes 12 damage! [Masquerade]

Laughing Wall (3) takes 7 damage! [Zeri]

Laughing Wall (3) KO!!

Laughing Wall (5) takes 8 damage! [Zeri]

Laughing Wall (5) takes 5 damage! [Kuori]

Bleeding Tooth Fungus takes 20 damage! [Cerani]

Bleeding Tooth Fungus PERFECT KILL!!

Soul Flytrap takes 1 damage! [Durn]

Enemy Phase 3!

Bloodhunter Moss sprouts and crawls to M3 and M5!

Silver is sapped of 3 HP!

Cerani is sapped of 3 HP!

Plant Guardsman waits.

Crison Artiel casts Soul Flytrap on B7! -10 MP!

A seed has been planted!

Crison Artiel casts Doll's Eye on N8! -10 MP!

A seed has been planted!

Laughing Wall (5) attacks Kuori!

Kuori takes 2 damage!

Soul Flytrap moves to K6!

Soul Flytrap casts Spectral Bite on Durn! -8 MP!

Durn takes 5 unseen damage!

Doll's Eye sprouts at A5!

Zeri resists Petrify because he's too busy looking at what he's writing!

{X} { } { } { } {8} {Z} { } { } {T} {T} {T} {T} {T} A
{X} {X} {X} { } { } {T} { } {K} { } { } {5} { } {T} B
{X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } {T} { } {T} { } {T} { } {T} C
{X} {X} {X} {X} {T} { } { } {T} { } { } {T} { } { } D
{X} {X} { } { } { } {T} { } {H} { } {T} { } { } {T} E
{X} {X} { } {X} { } { } {X} {X} {T} { } { } { } { } F
{X} { } { } {X} {X} { } { } {T} { } { } { } {G} { } G
{X} {X} { } {X} {X} { } { } {4} { } { } {T} {C} {X} H
{X} { } { } {M} { } { } {X} {X} {X} { } { } {X} {X} I
{X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } {X} {X} {X} {X} { } {X} {X} J
{X} {X} {X} {X} {X} {7} {X} {X} {X} { } {2} { } { } K
{X} {X} { } { } { } {D} { } {X} { } { } { } {X} { } L
{X} { } {S} { } {C} { } { } {X} { } {X} {X} { } { } M
{ } { } {X} { } { } {X} { } { } { } { } {X} {T} { } N
{ } { } { } {X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } { } {X} {X} {X} O
{X} {X} { } { } {X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } { } { } {X} P
-1---2---3---4---5---6---7---8---9--10--11--12--13-

{ } { } {T} { } { } A
{ } {9} { } {!} { } B
{ } { } { } { } { } C
{ } { } {V} { } { } D
{ } { } { } { } { } E
-1---2---3---4---5-

Party

Spoiler:

Boss Encounter

Spoiler:

Laughing Walls

Spoiler:

Legend

Spoiler:

Player Phase 4!

by **Cerani** Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:24 pm

"AAH WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT FUCKING FUCK WAS THAT?!" With many more colorful words spilling from my mouth, I stumbled away from the murderous plant that sprouted underneath my feet - and really? right UNDER MY FEET? - pointing viciously at it. "OKAY, holy hell, do not step on those, that is very dangerous!" Jesus christ. On a pogo stick. I looked over at Quinn and shook my head, seeing as how he was in the same predicament. "Looks like we don't have time to talk, man, sorry."

Just behind me, Durn was attacking yet another plant, and I was beginning to think there was never going to be a shortage of these things. I stomped over towards it (apologetically stepping past Alex) and used the momentum of my steps to lunge forward and stab my sword through the ugly thing. It still made an ugly squelching sound when I did things like that. "Ugh. I don't think I'll ever get used to that."

Cerani moves to L-6.

Cerani attacks Soul Flytrap (7)! 11 Atk damage!

by **Silver** Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:45 pm

I felt just the slightest bit dizzy as CC screamed out a string of colorful words I was sure would have been censored anywhere else. I had to smirk slightly, despite the wooziness that was taking over now––we most certainly were not in the game, but if we had been, I wondered if the M-rating would have censored anything. I didn't really get to think hard about it though because CC was suddenly dashing off, flinging her sword into some disgusting freak-plant.

Silver moves to M5!

"Wait up!" I called, a strange sleepy tone––like my mouth had been stuffed with cotton––to my voice. I stumbled after my friend, briefly registering the other guy nearby who had previously attacked the plant she had gone after. Who was he? Someone I knew? The world sorta span as I focused on his face; my thoughts didn't really want to remain still, but I managed to give an educated guess. "Durn?" I asked, the weirdness to my voice still present, albeit lesser than before.

Silver attacks Soul Flytrap (7)! 3 Hits! 9 Int Damage per Hit! 20% Chance of Berserk per Hit!

by Allindur, the Lightfoot Tue Feb 04, 2014 8:28 am

And then suddenly, the darkness and the silence ended, and chaos took over. Fire and leaf, bark and scream. The end of my quiet contemplation. All my pain was gone, all my madness faded, I could see clearer now, clear as a stream in the woods. I gazed at my hand, and I could see it crawling under my skin. Black where it should be red, fog where should be meat. In my dark dream, in my deep introspection, I had traded away my body, my flesh. I had chosen magic. My sword would never again rend flesh, it would rend life itself.

I gazed up, back into the fray. Chaos stirred and people fought. Without me.

-Ok, so maybe this wasn't the best time to indulge in self-contemplation. Hello everyone, don't ask where I was, let's kill a few cabbages.

The darkness that had taken me faded, and I was fully back into the world. I gazed around, looking for an enemy. Well, there was one nearby. One that seemed to be getting all the attention. I might as well go with the crowd once in my life. I make a run and a turn, and swing my blade in an arc, leaving not a gushing wound, but a blacked burned area.

On the other hand...this enemy does seem terribly..unstable...

Allindur moves to J6.

Allindur attacks Soul Flytrap.(7)! 8 Int Dmg!

Allindur is worried.

by Zerifachias Tue Feb 04, 2014 3:47 pm

Yes, that's right my faithful meatshields, do your work and protect your lord and ma- wait what the fuck? Busy writing shit in my notebook, I hardly noticed the appearance of a strange, floating eyeball. It was staring at me, so I stared back at it. "The fuck you want?" I smirk, picking my ass up off the ground and taking a few steps away from the thing. I stopped and looked down at my map, watching as enemies began to appear on the map. Vergil had disappeared somewhere, so there was that. I could tell that he was still alive, he just wasn't on my map anywhere.

"Who will get the mighty pen's attack now, hm?" I wonder aloud, not caring if Kuori hears me talking to myself. "Those two groups are pretty close together, I should help them." I say, noticing that another enemy had appeared in the spot where the wall had been. I quickly wrote something in the air and glanced off in the distance. The enemy unit I targeted came into view as it was launched into the air, and then it fell. Chuckling to myself, I wrote something else and almost immediately heard the blast of fire rise from the ground around the thing I was targeting.

Zeri attacks 7! 13 Int DMG!

Zeri attacks 7! 14 Int DMG!

Zeri moves to B-9

by Vergil Tue Feb 04, 2014 10:30 pm

My clarity promptly returned to me as I heard a rustling sound on the ground below me, as my vision displayed my previous environment to reveal the pile of leaves that I had just stepped on. "PATRICK SWAYZE JOHN TRAVOLTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I screamed as I fell down the obvious pitfall trap placed by some sadistic game developer. I descended into a giant hole, hitting several exposed tree roots in the dirt walls on the way down, landing with a thud. "Ugh... Chimney Christmas," I coughed as I stood back up, clutching my side. I glanced around, checking my new surroundings to see a shiny treasure chest across the room. "Aw, yeah!" I exclaimed. "Everything's going up Vergil, now!" My excitement quickly died down when I saw two strange creatures in front of it, much to my horror.

"CHRIST ALMIGHTY, WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE?!" I yelled, looking at these two hideous mushroom-like monsters. "THEY LOOK LIKE FUCKING SARAH JESSICA PARKER MIXED WITH MICKEY ROURKE. NAW. FUCK NAW. YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR GAME. I AIN'T IN THE MOOD TO DEAL WITH THIS. KEEP YOUR DAMN TREASURE. I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE." My head shuffled about the room, looking for any viable exit to this circus sideshow when I spotted another pile of leaves. I didn't care at this point, so I ran towards it taking my chances.

Vergil moves to D-1 because those mushrooms are ugly as sin.

by Kurio Sat Feb 08, 2014 12:49 pm

Deception activates. Kuori gains Preparation

Kuori becomes angry. INT increased by 2
INT: 10

Kuori expends Preparation to use Ravenous Flock on Laughing Wall 5. 10 INT Dmg per hit, 3 hits. Chance of Bleeding
MP: 21/35

Alright, so these trees are indeed alive. And it seemed their roots reached a surprisingly far length, as one just popped out from underneath me and struck me. Sure, it didn't hurt very much but still unexpected nevertheless. I made a mental note of the reach of the living trees, not that it would matter now anyway. I felt a great deal of spite rising inside from the tree striking me, it would pay in blood, or whatever was the equivalent of blood for these things. "Beatrice, attack!" I ordered.

The raven immediately flew toward the tree and she seemed to be multiplying in the process as many other similar raven-beasts had joined the flock, surrounding the tree and continuously pecking at it until it fell apart. Beatrice returned to my side as the rest of the flock dissipated and I took a few careful steps forward trying to avoid stepping on the pile of leaves in front of me in case it held a trap underneath.

Kuori moves to cell B-10

by **Masquerade** Sat Feb 15, 2014 6:21 pm

Masq moves to I6.

Allindur had shown himself once more; it is nice not being alone, not that I was too particularly worried before. Looking beyond him over the severely obliterated plant creature that had been separating us, I notice that I am far from alone. There are even more people on the other side. I did not receive the response I expected, but heard a familiar voice. It is CC, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind. I can also see another figure, a male actually. Could that be...it is Durn. Silver's voice confirmed it. And that means Silver is okay. After being so severely wounded, it seems that he is fighting back stronger than ever. I let out a sigh of relief and feel a smile creep onto my face. A bit of the worry that was filling my being now departs me, a great burden lifted. Now that we are together, we stand a much higher chance of surviving whatever this twisted nightmare of a game was.

"Well, Durn. CC. Silver," I call out over the roaring of the flames that threaten to completely engulf the Home Tree. "It seems we meet at last, and it couldn't be any better timed, I'd say." I can't see all of them due to the heaping mounds of degraded tree mass, but I know they are there. I can feel their presence. The closeness of their voices betrays their positions. Suddenly I feel much more safe than I had prior. Together as a unit, we can eliminate the cause of this tragedy.

Masq waits.

by Durn Sat Feb 15, 2014 9:40 pm

Durn moves to I6.

Durn waits.

"Wait, wait, wait-" I began, though my words came out less like a sentence and more like a soup as I approached Masq. "You mean, you're here too? And Allindur? Why-" I stopped myself from finishing that thought. That was a pretty stupid question. After all, I could only expect an answer similar to one that I would give: "I dunno!", "This game is Satan!", etc, etc. But, hey, I had already started my sentence, so I figured I'd finish it.

"Why are you here?"

Zone 01: The Backwards Wood
Part J - Krizantema

Location: The Backwards Wood - Home Tree - Accident Site

Objectives: Defeat Crison Artiel, the Weed of the Heart!

Achievement: N/A

Music: Glow in Ashes

Soul Flytrap takes 7 damage! [Cerani]

Soul Flytrap takes 15 damage! [Silver] (Allindur gains 1 Shadow Orb!)

Soul Flytrap takes 4 damage! [Allindur]

Soul Flytrap takes 19 damage! [Zeri] (Allindur gains 1 Shadow Orb!)

Soul Flytrap KO!

Ethereal Detonation activates!

Durn and Allindur take 1 damage! (Allindur gains 1 Shadow Orb!)

The Flytrap's soul has been severed!

Durn takes 5 damage! (Granite Shell activates, +2 DEF)

Zeri walks over a pile of leaves! Zeri falls into a concealed hole!

Zeri enters Obscure Cavern!

Zeri takes 2 damage! [Gravity]

Vergil walks over a pile of leaves! Vergil falls into a concealed hole!

Vergil enters Roots of the Home Tree!

Vergil takes 2 damage! [Gravity]

Laughing Wall (5) takes 21 damage! [Kuori]

Laughing Wall (5) KO!!

Kuori walks over a hole! Kuori falls into the hole!

Kuori enters Obscure Cavern!

Kuori takes 2 damage! [Gravity]

Kuori lands on Zeri!

Zeri and Kuori take 2 damage! [Gravity]

{X} { } { } { } {8} { } { } { } {T} {T} {T} {T} {T} A
{X} {X} {X} { } { } {T} { } { } {H} { } { } { } {T} B
{X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } {T} { } {T} { } {T} { } {T} C
{X} {X} {X} {X} {T} { } { } {T} { } { } {T} { } { } D
{X} {X} { } { } { } {T} { } {H} { } {T} { } { } {T} E
{X} {X} { } {X} { } { } {X} {X} {T} { } { } { } { } F
{X} { } { } {X} {X} { } { } {T} { } { } { } {G} { } G
{X} {X} { } {X} {X} { } { } {4} { } { } {T} {C} {X} H
{X} { } { } {M} { } {D} {X} {X} {X} { } { } {X} {X} I
{X} {X} {X} {X} { } {A} {X} {X} {X} {X} { } {X} {X} J
{X} {X} {X} {X} {X} { } {X} {X} {X} { } {2} { } { } K
{X} {X} { } { } { } {C} { } {X} { } { } { } {X} { } L
{X} { } { } { } {S} { } { } {X} { } {X} {X} { } { } M
{ } { } {X} { } { } {X} { } { } { } { } {X} {T} { } N
{ } { } { } {X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } { } {X} {X} {X} O
{X} {X} { } { } {X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } { } { } {X} P
-1---2---3---4---5---6---7---8---9--10--11--12--13-

Location: The Backwards Wood - Home Tree - Obscure Cavern

{ } { } {T} { } { } A
{ } {9} { } {!} { } B
{ } { } { } { } { } C
{H} { } {Z} {K} { } D
{ } { } { } { } { } E
-1---2---3---4---5-

Location: The Backwards Wood - Home Tree - Roots of the Home Tree

That's it. Her adventure was soon to come to a close. After wandering into a dark cave, the lone adventurer Gist found herself trapped after an unexpected avalanche, caused by an explosion occurring atop of her current location, barricaded her inside. As the only source of natural light faded, hordes of terrifying monsters slithered from crease and nook as the atmosphere morphed to their liking. Though she were able to fend off a vast majority of the creatures, the final two had knocked her off her feet, leaving her unable to act.

She was going to die. At least, she thought she was, until glistening light fell like dust from above, and with it, her hero arrived...

{ } { } { } { } { } A
{ } {@} {G} {$} { } B
{ } { } { } { } { } C
{ } { } { } { } { } D
{ } { } { } { } { } E
{ } { } { } { } { } F
{ } { } { } { } { } G
{ } { } {V} { } { } H
{ } { } { } { } { } I
-1---2---3---4---5-

Enemy Phase 4!

Doll's Eye sprouts at N8!

Soul Flytrap sprouts at B7!

Plant Guardsman casts Overgrowth!

Crison Artiel and Plant Guardsman gain Haste!

Crison Artiel casts Soul Flytrap at K6! -10 MP!

A seed has been planted!

Crison Artiel casts Bleeding Tooth Fungus at I5! -10 MP!

A seed has been planted!

Bloodhunter Moss spreads to L6 and L5!

Silver takes 3 damage!

Cerani takes 3 damage!

{X} { } { } { } {8} { } { } { } {T} {T} {T} {T} {T} A
{X} {X} {X} { } { } {T} {%} { } {H} { } { } { } {T} B
{X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } {T} { } {T} { } {T} { } {T} C
{X} {X} {X} {X} {T} { } { } {T} { } { } {T} { } { } D
{X} {X} { } { } { } {T} { } {H} { } {T} { } { } {T} E
{X} {X} { } {X} { } { } {X} {X} {T} { } { } { } { } F
{X} { } { } {X} {X} { } { } {T} { } { } { } {G} { } G
{X} {X} { } {X} {X} { } { } {4} { } { } {T} {C} {X} H
{X} { } { } {M} { } {D} {X} {X} {X} { } { } {X} {X} I
{X} {X} {X} {X} { } {A} {X} {X} {X} {X} { } {X} {X} J
{X} {X} {X} {X} {X} { } {X} {X} {X} { } {2} { } { } K
{X} {X} { } { } { } {C} { } {X} { } { } { } {X} { } L
{X} { } { } { } {S} { } { } {X} { } {X} {X} { } { } M
{ } { } {X} { } { } {X} { } {#} { } { } {X} {T} { } N
{ } { } { } {X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } { } {X} {X} {X} O
{X} {X} { } { } {X} {X} {X} {X} { } { } { } { } {X} P
-1---2---3---4---5---6---7---8---9--10--11--12--13-

{ } { } {T} { } { } A
{ } {9} { } {!} { } B
{ } { } { } { } { } C
{H} { } {Z} {K} { } D
{ } { } { } { } { } E
-1---2---3---4---5-

{ } { } { } { } { } A
{ } {@} {G} {$} { } B
{ } { } { } { } { } C
{ } { } { } { } { } D
{ } { } { } { } { } E
{ } { } { } { } { } F
{ } { } { } { } { } G
{ } { } {V} { } { } H
{ } { } { } { } { } I
-1---2---3---4---5-

Party

Spoiler:

Boss Encounter

Spoiler:

Laughing Walls

Spoiler:

Legend

Spoiler:

Player Phase 5!

by Gist Tue Jun 03, 2014 6:46 am

Gist had been wandering in this cavern for the past few hours, not entirely sure of her objective. This was a multiplayer game, and she realized that, but at the moment, she was trying to enjoy it solo. Trying to interact with other players would not suit her, and if she did, she would be putting herself at risk of making sure that she could get out alive. Other than that, though, she was having quite a blast. Everything did feel quite real to her, and she could almost sense that something was about to change, in the terms of atmosphere at least. She could hear a low rumbling above her, but it wasn't like any normal earthy sounds one might hear underground... no... it was something more than that. Was she in a secret area? This was where she had started out at, so how could it be secret? Up ahead, there were a few walking mushrooms.

She cracked her hands. This game was awesome. Everything had felt so real... so cool... She was ready to fight some more. She screamed a battle cry and ran forward into the monsters, letting her fists fly with no care whatsoever. This was only a game, and she was here to have fun... that is, until she wasn't. She had gotten careless and she had let the last two of the walking mushrooms knock her to her feet. She was winded, and all of a sudden, all the light went out. "Welp. Gg." She didn't know whether any progress would be saved if she died here, or if she would have to start the entire adventure over. That would certainly be a drag.

She brought her arms up in front of her face to protect herself when lo and behold, she heard another thud directly in front of her. She opened her eyes and found someone, some person getting up and brushing themselves off. It was a bit of distance, though, so she couldn't tell any specific details. "H-hello? Who is that coming to my rescue? I can't see you... I think I'm about to die, please help me?" This was a multiplayer game. If she was going to have a good outcome, she would make sure that she played with others.

[Gist cannot Act!
Gist waits...]

by Vergil Wed Jun 04, 2014 1:20 am

Just as I expected: I was falling through yet another anus in the ground that would lead to more parts unknown. I didn't care anymore; it could've been Clifford the big red dog's asshole for all I cared, all I knew is that this game never played fair nor did it have any intention of ever doing so. Well fuck you too game, you can cuddle with my scrotal appendages you filthy sack of double doucheburgers. This nature sphincter had to be the most unnecessary creation in all of existence; why the hell did the game feel the need to have a giant-ass hole this deep anyway? I doubt I’d ever find the answer, but it was certainly long enough for me to think this entire tangent of thoughts without reaching the ground. I swear if I could only find the log out option to this game, I would click that shit in a heartbeat and rip the headgear this game came with off my mug and whip that shit to the ground. I would then take a well-deserved shit because I’m almost certain my bowels have been hoarding its cargo since I started this nightmare, and use that headgear to wipe my ass.

As bad as this game was in terms of its perpetual bullshittery, the graphics were pretty damn amazing. Or maybe it was only possible because the gaming device infiltrated my cerebrum with its jacks and wires and displays the entire spectrum of what my optical nerves can perceive. Sure beats those old polygonal games where the character hands looked like they were made from inflated latex gloves with the sole purpose of palming volleyballs. I didn’t have any choice in what I could do in this world anymore, so I may as well take every challenge it throws at me like a fearless… mongoose. Shit, now even my metaphorical articulation was starting to suffer from falling down so many ass crevices. Either way, the point is I once answered a phone call from a telemarketer and told them I wasn’t interested in their product, so this game was going to have to pull out all the stops if it wanted to intimidate me.

So now here I was, falling with my hands in the air like I was waiting for a high-five but the other person wasn’t going to reciprocate. I saw what appeared to be the end growing closer and closer until I approached the midpoint of collision. This was my chance to make a badass entrance, so I had better think of something quick and witty to say at the perfect time.

"LADIES, PLEASE PREPARE TO FORM A SINGLE FILE LINE. VERGIL HAS ENTERED THE BUILDI- ohshitmysternum.”

I may have waited a half-second too late, as the hard ground smacked me before I could finish my statement. After wheezing in pain and climbing back up to my feet, I brushed off the dirt of the floor and examined my new environment. “Of course,” I observed. “I’M IN THE SAME FUCKING ROOM I FELL FROM TWO MINUTES AGO. AND LOOK, THERE ARE THE SAME PIECES OF SHIT I TRIED TO ESCAPE FROM, BUT THIS TIME THERE’S ANOTHER ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE A GIRL. Wait, is that a girl over there?” I couldn’t quite discern the figure in the distance until I heard the plea for help. Looks like it was another player, and only I was capable of playing the hero. I had to think rationally about how to handle the situation, mulling over my abilities. Ironically I seemed to be at my strongest when I was low on vitality and low on stamina. I also apparently had a hidden ability called “low expectations”.

For the life of me I couldn’t figure out anything else I could do besides use my summoned creature, but bringing it out hurt like hell so I was going to refrain from that for a while. That left only one last option: going total man-mode. I was going to deliver a testosterone-filled speech followed by a head-on charge into the fray. Here we go.

“ALRIGHT, LET ME OFFICIALLY INTRODUCE MYSELF TO YOU, YOU DIRTY CLUSTERS OF HARDENED DICK-SLIME. YOU OBVIOUSLY DO NOT KNOW WHO I AM, FOR IF YOU DID YOU WOULD RETREAT NOW IF YOU KNEW WHAT WAS BEST FOR YOU. THE NAME’S VERGIL THE MOTHERFUCKER, AKA THE REAL FUCKING MAN. JUST SAYING MY NAME OUT LOUD INSTANTLY GROWS A LAYER OF HAIR ON YOUR CHESTS, SO LADIES, PLEASE DO NOT SAY MY NAME OUT LOUD. YOU’VE ALL INCITED MY WRATH, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL CONSIDER YOUR ASSES BOILED. YOUR NUMBER IS ABOUT TO BE FUCKING DIALED, AND I’M ON THE OTHER END MAKING THE COLLECT CALL. WHEN I’M THROUGH WITH YOU, THE PERISTALTIC WAVES IN YOUR BODIES ARE GOING TO PAVE THE WAY FOR MASS EXODUS OF SHIT FROM YOUR RESPECTIVE RECTUMS. YOU GOT ONE LAST CHANCE TO BACK OFF NOW. NO? THEN YOU BETTER CLENCH YOUR ASSCHEEKS, BECAUSE I’M GOING TO TEAR THEM ASUNDER.”

Vergil moves to F-4.

by Sponsored content