Corrupt-A-Wish

Granted, but the're a nuke at the end of it...

I wish I could drive

Granted, but you crash your car on your first drive.

I wish for a bloodthirsty rabbit that wouldn't hurt me in any way.

Granted, but it reproduses and those eat you.

I wish for a puppy!

Granted, but it is mean and bites you a lot.

I wish for pie!

Wish granted, you get food poisoning.

I wish for a custom title!

Granted, but you don't get it for a few weeks when you get 10,000 posts

I wish for a costom color and title

Granted, but they aren't chosen by you.

I wish for the ability to play the electric guitar as good as a professional.

Granted, but your fingers fall off.

I wish I could play Guitar like a pro.

Granted, but you can only play it like a pro in your dreams.

I wish I was a millionaire.

Wish granted. The next time you play Monopoly, you will earn $1,004,125 dollars.

I wish for a green piece of paper that says "Hello there!" on it.

Wish granted, but it spontaneously catches on fire.

I wish for an awesome smiley.

Wish granted, but in Soviet Rus-*Shot*

I wish for a larger font color palette.

Granted, but it's all shades of Black and White.

I wish for a Cherry Pie

Granted, but the pie has a horse laxative in it.

I wish for a bologna sandwich.

Granted, but you get Poisened Bologna

I wish for Chicken.

v1[food]:Granted, but it is poisoned.

v2[the animal]:Granted, but they peck you to death.

I wish for the poster below me to have good luck.

Granted, but it takes all your luck and the rest of your life is filled will bad things.

I wish the poster below me to have bad luck.

Granted, but I already have bad luck, so nothing happens!

I wish for the person below me to have a sardine for breakfast.

Granted, but I like sardines.

I wish the person below me would combust

Granted, but it won't happen until after I die.

I wish the person above me would be the person below me.

Granted... but... uhhh... CANNOT CONCUR! -explodes-

I wish I woulden't explode.

Granted, but you already did.

I wish I could couldn't not play fair.

Does not compute. -Explodes again-

I wish for water!

Granted, but it's acidic.

I wish for dehydrated water.

ACK! -Implodes-

I wish Aura would stop wishing...